


The Way to My Heart is a Needle and a Transaction

by spaceyloser



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Character Death, Cocaine, Complete, Crimes & Criminals, Drug Use, Drugs, Gay, Gay Male Character, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Phanfiction, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-08-24 03:44:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 37,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8355709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceyloser/pseuds/spaceyloser
Summary: In Dan's dark desperate days, he meets Phil in a grocery store and changes his life forever. Soon, Dan is selling cocaine in the rich neighborhoods of Manhattan and Phil becomes the biggest drug lord on the east coast, all thanks to Dan. And Dan gets to eat, all thanks to Phil.





	1. Chapter 1

I'm not exactly sure how it happened, maybe I forgot, or maybe I didn't notice. First, my mom died, then, my father. My sister joined the military after, and suddenly, I was living with my great aunt Ruth, who I've only met once, on the streets of New York City. Not by choice, I must add. I would've kicked and screamed if I had the energy. I had to go through the long and annoying process of becoming a citizen that I'd rather go to hell than repeat.

 

A girl approached me in high school, a couple of handjobs later I was selling weed for her. Maybe I was always so easily influenced, so numb. Not too long after, colleges started sending brochures in the mail and aunt Ruth preached the importance of getting an education. So I agreed to take community college classes against my judgment because I'm a push over that can't fight for one damn thing.

By the end of college, I had a degree, one sold(ish) paperback, and a whole lot of debt. My sister would sometimes send money, not a lot but enough to get me a dingy apartment in a less than sketchy neighborhood. But I guess all of New York is like that. It kind of reminds me of London, if you squint.

 

As I worked on my next book, rent was due and I was short about four hundred dollars. As I walked to the small grocery store around the corner, the two whole dollars I had to my quiet name was burning a hole In my pocket. I called Alexandra.

"Dan? Jesus I haven't heard from you in years! Senior year almost, fuck, how have you been?"

"Alex, please I'm desperate, I _need_ to sell again." There was a brief pause and It sounded like Alex sighed on the other end.

"Dan, I'm sorry. I don't sell anymore. I've cleaned myself up. I'm a lawyer now. I have a son, I can't anymore." Everything wilted as I hung up on her.

 

I stood in the middle of the candy aisle, the weight of the world was crushing me into the ground, I couldn't breathe.

"Hey, you alright?"

"No." I didn't bother looking up. What's the point? Aunt Ruth won't take me, she's the one who kicked me out, saying I need to get it together. I wish I resented her for it.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't help but overhear." The voice had a smirk dripping from it. I was surprised to hear the hint of an accent poking through. Instantly, I thought of my mother and her beautiful voice. God, what would she think of me now?"

"Yeah, desperate. Economy is shit and all that." My voice was a new tired and dead sound. The usually smack of sarcasm had been eaten away completely.

"You're upset because someone isn't letting you sell drugs anymore, am I right?" I whipped around, looking for someone to overhear, finally catching the eye of the stranger when I was sure the coast was clear.

 

He was handsome, and obviously well off. Perfectly clean and new coat, dark jeans and designer shoes. Everything I'm wearing I wore back in college. Three years ago.

"What of it? Gonna turn me in?" I snorted, "at least there'd be a roof over my head." The man frowned,

"You don't look homeless."

"Just a few days short."

"How much you down?" I stared at him, gambling. He probably thinks I have a gambling addiction.

"Four hundred, not to mention student loans." The man smirked and looked at me. Tall, but not taller than me.

"What if I told you that you could make that in two days and pay of your debt in a month?"

"I'd call you crazy." I scanned him up and down, sugar daddy? I did that, back in college. Then his wife found out. It was a big mess. I'm not cute enough anymore. I've filled out, even if my cheeks are hollow. I've always been a little hollow.

"You're cute, I'd like to help you out. Sounds to me like you already know the craft."

"I sold weed in the past." He smirked again,

"It's a little stronger than weed." He pulled a card out of his pocket, the smug looked never leaving his face.

"Here's my card. Give me a call when you've hit rock bottom." I looked down, _Phil Lester._

 

When I looked up, he was gone.


	2. Rock Bottom is Calling, it Wants You Gone

Two days later my loud, overweight, and rude landlord was banging on my door, screaming at the top of his lungs. He normally had a thick Mexican accent but you couldn't hear it from the height of his voice.

I had sold my laptop last month for rent. Now I was writing with a pad and paper. All I had to take with me was a flash drive, clothes, and sixteen written chapters of my super gay fantasy novel.

 

"Dan Howell! You have two minutes or I'm calling the police!"

One and half minutes later I had a backpack on my back and a business card, heavy in my pocket. I stood under the awning of a busy Chinese restaurant. On my old flip phone that's been barely holding on for months, I dialed the number.

 

_Ring ring ring..._

 

"Hello?" The voice wasn't Phil's and I contemplated hanging up, but I was officially homeless and tired. I just felt like giving up.

"H-ey." My voice shook awkwardly and I closed my eyes in embarrassment. "I'm Dan Howell. Someone named Phil gave me this number the other day in a corner store-"

"Donny! Someone called Dan looking for Mr. Lester!" There were the clicks of noise on the other end indicating they were carrying the phone somewhere and I wondered if I had just made the biggest mistake of my life.

 

"Hello, I expected your call." Phil sounded rich and powerful, my mind instantly went to him sitting on a throne condemning someone to die.

"The rock is harder than expected down here. Rock bottom isn't the bottom of a cliff, it's fucking bedrock."

Phil chuckled, "That it is." 

 

 I gave Phil my address and not five minutes later a car pulled up in front of me. My brain was screaming no, don't do it. Everything about this seemed wrong. But honestly, at this point, what have I got to lose?

 

* * *

 

 

It had begun to rain as the car pulled up in front of a huge building in Manhattan. The driver came around and opened my door, handing me a note, he hopped back into the car and sped off.

 

I stood out there for a bit. I could leave, I could just not go into the building. Run away and find a nice street corner somewhere. Maybe train hop to like, Kentucky. I was turning the note around in my hand, not thinking about it. The street was busy, people gave me dirty looks as they had move a bit to the side to walk around me.

"Move you stupid fuck!" A man in his early twenties glared at me, causing me to run inside.

Inside the building was just as posh as the outside. A women in her forties was sitting at reception, tapping away at the computer in front of her. That's when I understood there was no turning back now and I opened the folded note.

 

_**go to room 730 and check in with reception or Mary will kill you -Phil** _

I gulped at the unaware if he was joking about Mary or not. She looked intense enough. I walked up to reception, coughing a bit when she didn't notice me.

"Dan Howell?" She didn't look up.

"Yes."

"Room 730. Quickly. Mr. Lester doesn't like to be kept waiting."

In no time at all I was standing outside room 730, having a panic attack. Hard drugs, I'm not the hard drugs type of guy. I'm just a shitty author with bad morals.

 

I raised my fist to knock on the door when it swung open, my fist still awkwardly hanging in the air. Phil smiled at me, eyeing me up and down.

"Finally, I was beginning to think you'd never knock." Someone behind Phil chuckled and I finally dropped my hand. "Well, don't just stand there. Rock bottom is calling, it wants you gone."


	3. Only the Cute Ones Called Dan

There were about five guys in the room with Phil. I felt extremely out numbered. The hard drugs type are violent, right? I may have just walked into my funeral. Phil smiled at me, it was warm, but it still seemed like I couldn't trust him.

 

"Ed over there is our lead chef, he's cooking up the latest batch. None of the product is aloud in this building under any circumstances, understand? If you're caught with any there will be consequences." I took notice of how he avoided say cocaine, and how Ed is apparently a "chef."

"Check him for wires." Now it made sense. I'm not sure what idiot would walk in here wearing a wire. One guy pulled up my shirt while the others groped me. It was all extremely uncomfortable and Ed got a little too handsy.

"Good, you'll follow Adam here around for a week to learn how it's done and then you'll be doing it yourself. You'll be making two thousand a week but it could go down based on your selling." My mouth went dry. Two thousand? A week? That's insane, literally insane. I don't think I've ever even see two thousand dollars before.

Phil smirked at me, I'm taller than him but he somehow still managed to make me feel small. "Liam will show you to your room." Liam appeared to be a short, fidgety teenager that seemed to have a permanent blush. Phil held his hand out of me and I took it, he shoved something into my hand as we shook. "Welcome aboard."

 

* * *

Liam muttered that the apartments were pretty bland and that I'd have to decorate them myself. The only other conversation we had was that I'd have to be up by eight the next day to tail Adam. Phil's slip of paper lay in my clenched fist, not wanting to read it until Liam had gone.

"Mr. Lester is very generous. When I got my girlfriend Mandy pregnant we were seventeen and broke. He found me about ten months ago with a newborn and no cash. He is the greatest man I have ever met." Liam stopped in front of room 420 and I almost snorted, sure Phil did this on purpose.

"Here you are, good luck. Watch out for your neighbor Clementine. As good as she is with chemicals, She could take you down without breathing in your direction." Liam chuckled nervously and scurried off towards the elevators, that whole exchange was a lot of unnecessary information.

 

I pulled the shiny bronze key out of my hoodie pocket and quickly slid it into the lock, the anticipation was building. I couldn't believe I was lucky enough to have a roof over my head.

The apartment was bland and boring, Liam did say I'd have to decorate it. But it was simplistic, like a something off a tumblr aesthetic blog. Damn do I miss tumblr. There was a huge window that overlooked the city, a stunning view. Again, very aesthetic. I never imagined I'd be apart of one of those photos.

The bedroom was about the same, only one surprise, a shiny new mac on the desk. I almost squealed. There was a sticky note on top, from Phil, of course.

 

**Writers need computers, wouldn't want you to give up on your dream. Don't tell the others, Its not everyday I give out free laptops. Just to the pretty faces :) Good luck.**

At that moment I remembered the note, finally dropping my backpack and unfolding it. My back screamed joyfully, finally being free of the weight.

**My personal cell number, in case you need anything. Don't give it to anyone.**

**-Phil**

 

He signed it "Phil" and not "Mr. Lester" and I couldn't help but notice how adorable both notes are. Phil is kind of adorable. Feeling cheeky, I pulled out my old phone and sent him a quick text, making a mental note to buy a new phone.

 

_**Do you give every newbie your phone number ;)** _

 

_**Phil: Only the cute ones called Dan.** _

 

My heart fluttered, god, I'm in for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enough exposition, we'll be getting into the excitement next chapter.


	4. I Never Knew a Dog Could be Homophobic

Adam and I headed out bright and early the next morning, which was poison for me, seeing as how I spent most of the night typing my hand written chapters onto a document. It's just too good to have access to the internet again, even if I did have to awkwardly ask Phil for the wifi password. He didn't seem to mind me texting him though, which is nice.

"First we need to go to the kitchen. Pay attention to how we get there, its a bit confusing but you'll be doing this by yourself Monday. You have weekends off unless you're running late on any distribution and you get paid on Sunday. Only take as much as you need for the day, no more. There are lists in the kitchen for every salesman about how much they need to get from each place each day. Ollie takes care of it all. An expert filer, that guy. I promise its not as confusing as it sounds." Last night, I washed my old winter coat and found how big it is on me, my first paycheck is going towards a new coat and maybe some boots.

Adam bought me a metro card with a credit card that I'm sure can't be traced.

"So the kitchen." I started as we attempted to maneuver through all the busy New Yorkers, "Is it not Phil's building? Is that why he lets... the product into it?" Adam looked at me sideways, a strange glint in his dark brown eyes.

"It is... _Phil's building."_ His voice sounded slightly mocking and I was suddenly terrified that I'd said something terribly offensive and he'd be my enemy from then on. "The building we all live in is under his name. Well, his fathers. He left it to him. The other building he bought as an investment for the drug business, if it didn't go well he would've gone bankrupt. The Kitchen is under a fake name. Can't be traced by anyone. Even Ollie, in his old age he laughs in the face of cops, always challenging, that guy."

I nodded at him as we got on the crowed train, figuring the conversation was over now that we were surrounded by people. "It's funny," I guess not. "You call him Phil. No one calls him Phil. Not even Angela, and she's been here longer than anyone. Liam called him Phil once by accident and damn, Phil did everything except beat him. Mr. Lester isn't that type of guy, but he makes sure you know your place."

Angela, who is Angela? I haven't met her, she's been here the longest? Is she Phil's...no. Not going there.

I just shrugged at him and focused on not falling on people with every stop.

* * *

We got off a grand total of three times and walked about four blocks until we stopped in front of an older looking building. It looks like a place cocaine would be made. There is no way I'd remember all of those stops. Adam seemed unfazed by everything as he calmly walked into the building. The halls winded on until we stopped in front of an old rusty door. A buff man stood in front of it, looking menacing.

"Edwardo, this is Dan, new salesman." Edwardo glanced down at me before slowly moving out of the way. Adam smiled up at him, "Edwardo, you truly have a way with words." It didn't seem wise to be sarcastic towards this man, but Adam kept his smile bright on his face while Edwardo stared at him. Finally, I gave Adam a little shove and he seemed to remember we had stuff to do, and he pushed his way through the rusty door.

We walked down some sketchy stairs before we pushed open another rusty door. Inside, Ed was running around like a mad scientist. Several other people were pouring things into other things, I had no idea how the making of cocaine worked, but it all looked surprisingly like a high school chemistry lab. Adam walked over to a large bulletin board covered in papers. There was another girl there with bright red hair and a flamboyant pink pea coat.

 

"Fuck! I have Adriana Clemmins today. Someone set me on fire." Adam pointed and laughed at the girl as he pulled a paper off the board.

"You'll get your own paper on Monday, right now we're doing this together." I had refrain from singing high school musical.

"Adam! You training someone, you absolute assface?" The girl had on green striped fingerless gloves too, she was just a walking light show.

Adam sighed, probably sick of introducing me, "Cora, this is Dan."

"Dan Dan?" Cora looked somewhat surprised, confusion washed over me but Adam didn't give me a chance to reply.

"Well we gotta go, long day ahead of us. Good luck with Ms. Clemmins!" Cora swore at us and some of Adam's awkwardness faded away, but my confusion didn't.

* * *

We started at a blind man's house who had a pit bull named Remy and a gold tooth. I learned quickly that I'd be selling to a lot of characters while doing this job. When Remy growled at me, the man said "Remy doesn't like gays." and then took his coke and slammed his apartment door. I heard something fall off his shelf followed by a series of swear words. I never knew a dog could be homophobic.

The second customer caught me a little off guard. This women was in her late eighties and had three small children behind her with who I assume her daughter. She smiled at me and congratulated me on my new job. The women seemed to be on a first name basis with Adam, which was startling.

"Nana, Nana! Come play!." A little girl pulled on her dress and she smiled down at the child.

"Be right there Emma." The women pulled a stack of twenties out of her nightgown pocket and by now I probably looked stupidly confused. When Adam handed the drugs over she laughed at me,

"You can never truly take the party out of the girl, sweet pea."

 

We didn't have any real trouble until we got to the seventh customer. A women in her late twenties in some rich neighbor I couldn't be bothered to remember the name of.

"I don't have the money today, please. I can pay you tomorrow."

"Can't give you the goods without the greens, Mrs. Drew." Adam said simply, I was standing tall next to him, already used to my role as a criminal.

"Please, my husband will question if I take out so much money. He's been getting suspicious enough as it is." Adam shrugged and turned away. I heard Mrs. Drew sigh loudly and stomp her foot, "Wait!" Her eye was twitching and she looked desperate, "I have a thousand. Will that get me half?"

"A little less than a half. It's a real hassle to measure it."

"I'm sorry! Please, I can't deal with my damned daughter and her piano playing without it. Please!" Adam groaned but measured out the correct amount for a thousand and she put it in a Tupperware container.

* * *

After a long first day, Adam took me to see Phil to report about how it went.

"He's a fast learner, sir. Surprisingly good with people. He charmed the pants off of Deborah Jenkins."

"Ah good old Ms. Jenkins still going strong. Favorite customer, her. Well done Howell. Keep it up." Phil went back to the paperwork in front of him but when Adam turned to leave, he looked up and smirked at me.

 

 


	5. You Don't Have to Suffer Anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look I don't know why the last chapter is like that. When I went to preview it it was like that. I tried several things to try and fix it but I guess its impossible. I understand if you don't want to read it. I just wrote way to much not to post it. Essentially Dan is telling Phil his life story. Again, I am so sorry for this.

By Friday, I'm pretty sure Adam and I decided that we were friends. I had somehow managed to memorize how to get to the Kitchen and I only forgot the keys to my apartment once. I'm officially a real professional. Aunt Ruth has been calling and I haven't had the time to call her back. I plan on calling her back when I could figure out what to say about my job. She was well aware I was on the verge of being kicked out, she is probably really concerned. Ruth is the type to leave me in a holding cell for a night or two so I would learn my lesson about something petty like trespassing. She is in her seventies now and she actually did that. She had my mom over for the summer on year and mom got arrested while trying to sneak into a concert. Ruth left her there for two days so that my mother would learn her lesson. And she did. 

"Can I ask you something? Like, you can be completely honest with me, man." I nodded at him, terrified as to where this was going.

"Are you and Mr. Lester...like involved?" My eyes widened at him, I was about to deny until I stopped myself, I had no idea how to answer that. We flirt, a lot. Text occasionally. I learned quickly that I'm treated a bit different than the other employees. Even, apparently, Angela. Who I  have yet to meet.

"No. Why would you think that?"

"People started rumors your first day and they got around quickly. First they suspected because of your accents, as you're both British, but then they noticed things. Like little smiles and winks. Like you have a million inside jokes already. I can't lie, I've seen a few things too." I shook my head, not fully believing what I was hearing.

"He is my boss and yours, nothing more. We're both obviously from different parts of England, not all accents are the same. As for everything else...it's nothing. You're all just suspicious so you're making everything out to be something its not." At that moment, the train stopped and it was back to work. In two days I could get some new clothes, good timing too. I hear there's a storm coming.

* * *

On Sunday I was woken up by someone banging on my door. I opened to see a short round mail women who looked so done with how long I took to crawl out of bed.

"Mr. Lester told me to hand deliver this letter to you, also, here is your paycheck. Normally I'd just slip it under your door like everyone else, but Mr. Lester insisted and who am I to go against him." She handed both envelopes to me before trotting off towards the elevators.

I dropped my paycheck onto the breakfast bar and tore open the letter. Handwritten in Phil's strangely neat hand writing. So neat that it looks typed.

_**Dan,** _

_**I had your mail changed to your new address. You're doing well. Now that you're officially on your own don't bother Adam with anything. He has his own customers. Text me with any questions you have. Don't listen to the rumors, I swear sometimes this is all like high school. I don't need a repeat of that, so I'll attempt to put a stop to them. Go out and get yourself some new clothes and when you're done text me your location and I'll send a car. We're having dinner.** _

_**-Phil** _

Wow Phil, way to be romantic. My stomach did summersaults at the last part. I still didn't understand why he couldn't just text me. He is very dramatic about everything. I guess it comes with the job description.

 

As soon as I got a new coat I gave mine to the nearest homeless person I could find and put my new one on. The homeless women was very grateful and I felt like I did something good. I also got new boots and sneakers and several new outfits. I hadn't had such nice things sense the Sugar Daddy Era, which is what I call my twenty-first year and twenty-second. At four, I left the apple store with a new iPhone, and I actually teared up holding it. I texted Phil on my new iPhone, telling him this was my new number and a car was there in under five minutes. It must be a super power. How else could that happen in the busy Manhattan streets.

 

"Leave your bags in the back seat, Mr. Lester will have someone take them to your room." It took me a moment to realize that it was the same guy who drove me to the apartment building the first day. I would've said something but I was too busy trying to lace my new shoes that I am in love with. The driver pulled up in front of a fancy looking Italian restaurant, a man smiled at me and opened up the door. I stepped out and the driver sped away. Maybe that's how he gets around so fast. In the restaurant, the hostess took one look at me and said, "Right this way sir." She led me to a dark booth in the corner of the fancy restaurant where Phil was seated, sipping something dark which was probably alcohol and reading something on his phone. I quietly slipped into the booth, Phil didn't look up. "Can I get you something to drink?" Her voice wobbled a bit. I was almost certain she didn't know who Phil was. He is just a presence. The way he holds himself says royalty. It's intimidating to say the least. "Just water, thanks." "We'll both have the special, thank you, Brandy." The waitress nodded tightly, grabbed our menus, and slipped away. "Good to see you. Good to see you in coat that isn't covered in holes." I smiled at him as the waitress came back to our table and placed my water in front of me with shaky hands. "Thank you." We're going to have to tip her well. "So, Phil" I mentally scolded myself for calling him Phil, "Why did you want to have me for dinner?" He smiled at me and leaned forward on the table, his hands folded in front of him. Like he was about to make the deal of the century. "Why do you think I asked you out today?" The question slapped me in the face. I knew what I was hoping for, but he was impossible to read. The poker face that cheated millions of people out of millions of dollars. "I'm not sure, that's why I asked." Phil smiled at me again and started texting rapidly on his phone. "I want to get to know you better." He didn't look up, "Why?" "Why do you think?" Silence again, the air was thick with something I couldn't place. Finally Phil sighed and started again, "I just do. Can you tell me about yourself? Why were you about to break down in the middle of a corner store?" "I was about to become homeless, you know that-" "Yes, but why?" He asked cutting me off, "Tell me your story." My story is long and depressing, but he was asking and I realized suddenly that I never told it, not to its full scale. My sister has a better story than me, even if some of the cracks are the same. She has fewer than I, that's the benefit of the older sibling, I suppose. "Well, When I was fourteen my parents died, not together, no, that would be too easy. The world decided to hit me twice with the tragedy. My mother and my father loved each other so much it was sickening. My mom was walking to her car one night. She owned a small ice cream shop in town. She was stabbed. The cops called it a robbery gone bad and they arrested some drunk fool. My father's depression started in full force the night he had to identify the body. It killed him six months later when he was drinking and driving and wrapped his car around a tree. My sister isolated herself, when we got the news we'd be relocated to America, she enlisted into the army. She would send me checks when she could. It was never enough though. I moved in with my great Aunt Ruth in Queens. By then I was fifteen and dead already. Ruth, was, is very poor, but she makes enough to keep her crappy apartment and feed us. She took care of me, just not in the nurturing way. Tough love kind of way. I owe my life to her. I started to sell my girlfriends weed for her. If Ruth would've found she would've wrung my neck, but I had some money saved up. By the time I was eighteen my girlfriend and I went our separate ways, ending our not-so-romance-romance and the selling. I went to college, if you think things when downhill when I was a teen just keep listening." I took a break, Phil was listening intently, his phone beeped and he turned it off, showing that I have his full attention. "I did the whole college thing. Lived off ramen in a shitty flat off campus and out of the city completely. I wrote and sold one book which didn't get much traction but whatever, I'm over that spiraling pit of sadness now. When I graduated college I lived in an apartment near Ruth's in Queens. This starts the Sugar Daddy Era. I was counting my dollars for a metro card when a guy in his early forties comes up to me. He was decent looking enough. We had a separate apartment in Manhattan where I would live and he would come and see me. He bought me almost anything I wanted in exchange for wearing pastel lingerie and bouncing on his dick." Phil cringed, an appropriate reaction. "When I turned twenty-two our arrangement came to end when his wife followed him into the building and saw me tied up while he fucked me and I screamed "daddy." It wasn't good. I moved back in with Ruth after that for about eight months before she kicked me out and told me to get it together. Like I said, tough love. I moved into the crummiest place I could get and worked any odd job I could find. Somehow managing to pay my rent every month, sometimes I didn't eat. A little ways into my twenty-third year I had to sell my laptop for rent, so I have a flash drive with chapters of my new novel on it. For my twenty-fourth birthday Jeanine, my sister, called me. She had never even been to America before. I haven't seen her in the flesh sense I was fourteen. The rest, well, the rest you know." "I want to hear the rest, from your point of view." "I was behind on rent and I knew I would be evicted. I was heading to a corner store for my dinner of a candy bar when I decided to call my ex girlfriend. She said that she is a lawyer and not selling anymore. I was about to have a mental breakdown in the candy aisle of a dirty corner store when a handsome man came up to me and offered me a job. First I thought it was another sugar daddy gig but it is a lot better than that. Even if I wouldn't mind that." I ended it seductively to test the waters and so he wouldn't stare at me with sympathy. He did anyway. "You've been to hell and back." "Others have had it worse." "That's not the point." Phil didn't look away, his deep blue eyes were swirling with pity. He reached out his hand and put it on mine. my breath hitched, "You don't have to suffer anymore."


	6. Stop Bugging Clementine's Birds

After that Phil took a separate car and acted all mysterious about where he was going. I had a mind not to trust him, but one look at him and that all melted away. It's his charm, it is what makes him such a good business man.

Mary was sitting at the receptionist booth giggling with a little boy when I walked past her. Her mood suddenly turned harsh, Mary is the most terrifying employee here. I'm sure she knows it too. Ed was in the elevator as I hit the button for the fourth floor. He looked startled to see me, as if I am usually a figment of his imagination. Maybe he's just been around the fumes too long. It seems he has no other clothes than a lab coat and steal-toe boots.

When the bell dinged he jumped a few feet into the air as I walked out. I walked down the long corridor to my flat. Why is everyone acting so strange? Like I've died and come back to life? Is it because I'm new? When I arrived outside my flat, I jumped at Adam, who was pacing outside my door.

"Adam? What the hell are you doing?"

"Get rid of him, would you!" I jumped again and saw a women across the hall leaning out of her door, fuming. She appeared to be in her early twenties but had the voice of a shrill middle-aged women. "His pacing is disrupting my birds!" As if on cue, birdsong started to flow out of her apartment.

"Disrupt them from what, Clementine!" Adam shouted at her, Clementine growled and slammed the door. I swear the song got more ferocious when the door closed.

"What are you doing pacing outside my door and annoying my neighbors birds?"

"I heard somethings, not sure if you heard them yet, figured I should tell you because I'm your friend and it is kind of my fault." I squinted my eyes at him, I had only known Adam for a short time but he seemed like a good enough friend. The best I've had since primary school.

 

"It's about the rumors with you and Phil."  
"What about them?"

"My wife has started most of them." What, why is this even relevant. It's not like any of them are true. "She watches out for Phil, sort of like a body guard and sort of like a spy. She really tries but she can't keep her mouth shut, but she is no liar. You know how rumors are, they get around and they get altered.

"I've been here for a week!" Adam ignored my comment and kept going.

"She told me you and Phil had dinner together." I crossed my arms, already extremely defensive.

"So what if I did?" What if I opened up to someone for the first time and told them my entire life story? So what if when he showed me even the tiniest bit of affection, I melted like a schoolgirl? It's none of their business.

"It's just big news. No one has seen Phil take interest in anyone before, only the work. They don't know how to react."

I shrugged at him, "There's nothing to react to." Adam raised his bushy eyebrows at me.

"Are you sure? Because it seems-"

"Positive, now stop bugging Clementine's birds."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sort of neglecting my other story, I'm realizing. When the ideas come its this one they are for. I haven't given up on the other story though.


	7. K-I-S-S...wait what comes next?

Phil and I have dinner became a regular occurrence as the weeks progressed. He was always cordial, proper and such, a real gentleman, which I didn't believe in. I called Ruth once to give her my new number and as my new job became not-so-new, Ruth was calling and calling and calling. I had told my sister to start sending the checks to Ruth's crummy apartment, to help her out. I had been spending my money on clothes and food mostly. Saving a lot of it because who knows how long this will last? I couldn't afford to put Ruth up somewhere nice, not yet.

As a month drew nearer, it became impossible to ignore her calls. I left a young junkie's apartment and started walking for the train.

 

"Hello!" Ruth gasped before she said anything, even her gasp as a thick New Jersey accent. I don't fully understand her and my grandmother's childhood, but somehow they were raised in different countries. Giving my grandmother a posh British accent and my aunt sounding like _Long Island Medium._

"Danny! Finally! I've been calling for days! I didn't know where you have been! I thought you were out on the streets!" I muttered "yeah" and "ok" and "mhm" as she continued.

"You know Jeanine has been sending her army checks here. I didn't know what to think! It is nice having the extra money though..." I sighed loudly, the sound of an angry cabbie droning it out.

"Aunt Ruth I kind of have to go now, I'm working."

"Working! Danny has a job? Bullshit! I heard a taxi."

"Maybe I'm a cabbie."

"A WHAT?" Why do old people always sound horrified when they can't understand you?

"Nothing, I have to go."

"Wait! Can we have dinner sometime? Please? I'll make lasagna, I know how much you love my lasagna." It is truthfully the only thing she doesn't burn, but it is heavenly.

"Fine."

"Sunday?"

"Yes! I really have to go! Love you bye."

"Love you too-"

 

* * *

My last sale of the week almost ending in a fist fight. He didn't have the money, so I naturally couldn't sell to him

"Come on man! It's for my mom! She has cancer!" Adam made sure that I don't fall for their sob stories, and a lot has been told to me in the few weeks I've been selling. Besides, by the way he is scratching his arm and his eye twitches, its not for his sick mom.

 

"No cash no stash."

"Fucking prick!" And he swung, brushing the side of my face a bit but I dodged it in time. Phil isn't stupid, he has body guards for all the salesmen posted on the corners of the selling streets. As he sees it, its more people to employee, to get off the streets. He tells me all he wants to do his help people. He gets down on himself for doing it this way, but he continues nonetheless. I tell him that he is the reason I'm alive and he blushes.

I don't bother to call Samantha, the closest bodyguard. I kick the man in the shins and he hits the floor.

"Don't waste my time, sir." It's a very Phil thing to say, and maybe I'm adopting Phil's god complex.

 

I had to take the coke I had for that man back to the kitchen and I'm also suppose to fill out a report whenever a customer gets physical. A women bit Adam like my third day of training, it was very dramatic. She latched onto his neck like a ravenous dog. I start writing down the incident and I see Cora grab a form too.

"What happened to you?" Her arm appeared to be bleeding through a bandage on her wrist, and damn mine didn't seem like a big deal. I had a slight bruise where his blow sort of landed, if I hadn't moved he would've broken my nose.

"Uh, a guy swung at me, you?"

"Junkie kid, maybe nineteen. She had a knife. No big deal. Couple stitches." I never really realized how dangerous this all was. That one junkie could've slit open Cora's wrists. She has a kid, what would've happened to him? Phil tries to make us safe, bodyguards and maze on us all, but still. Cora must have sensed my mood because she said, "Oh no, new kid. We've all been there. It's dangerous but if I hadn't had taken this job, my son probably would've been taken away from me. This is better in the long run. You're going to go through that phase where you'll want out, and you don't. I don't know your life, but it must've been pretty bad to have ended up here, am I right? It's dangerous, but its a hell of a lot safer then living in a box."

 

She was right, obviously, but still. Cora is a badass, but Adam is a gentle soul. What if he got a knife pulled on him? Or Phil? Or worse, a gun? My stomach turned at the thought, Adam is my friend, and Phil is whatever he is. He is the closest I've ever gotten to someone. Romantic or otherwise. Cora stood up and dropped her form in the slot.

"Don't worry so much, kid."

She keeps calling me kid even though I am older than her. But to her, I am just a kid. In this field its not age, it's experience. And I'm in kindergarten and she's a senior.

* * *

Adam was standing outside my door when I got home, room 420. I still giggled. Clementine was outside talking to him, a parrot perched on her arm.

"Hi Dan, this is Wednesday." Wednesday squawked out a "hello" and Clementine looked at him fondly.

"We're going out."

"What?"

"Yeah! We're celebrating! One month!" Adam threw his hands in the air and waved them around dramatically and Wednesday copied his actions with his tiny wings.

"I don't know guys."

"Come on!" Clementine chimed in, she is my neighbor but this is the first time I had a conversation with her. Her hair was medium length and straight and she had really thick glasses, she'd probably be blind without them.

"Who's going?" I sighed, I hadn't been out with people since college, or with my ex daddy, John.

"Um, me, May, Clementine, Liam, Cora..." He started naming off people I haven't even met and I wondered if he knew Cora had been stabbed. I decided against asking, word gets around here quicker than a Hollywood movie high school.

"I guess I could use a drink." Adam cheered, as did Wednesday, he brightened my mood. My phone dinged, effectively ending everyone's cheering. Adam raised his eyebrows at me, knowing I only text him. Well, _thinking_ I only text him.

 

**Phil** _**: Hey, I read the report. You okay? And before you say anything, I followed up with Cora and she is fine. Physically AND emotionally. Are you?** _

 

He knew exactly what I was going to say, its strange how quickly he figured me out.

"Who's that?" Clementine asked, a strange sound in her tone made me think she already knew the answer.

**Me:** _**I'm fine, just kind of forgot about how dangerous it all is. I really don't want anyone to get hurt.** _

"Well, I'm going to go...get ready." They both nodded tightly and I awkwardly fumbled with the keys to get into my apartment.

**Phil: _I know, I try and make sure no one does._**

**Me _: I know. You're so noble._**

**Phil _: I heard you're going out tonight. Be safe. Call me if necessary._**

**Me _: Will do ;)_**

 

__

* * *

 

The bar was rowdy when we got there, but there were like twenty of us in all and we really added to the noise. It really gave me some flashbacks to college.

I started with something purple and fruity that I couldn't pronounce, all I knew was vodka and that's good enough for me. Cora had on this weird shirt that had the sleeves cut off, but then the sleeves were pulled up her arms like princess gloves. They effectively covered up the bandages though, and I think that's what she was going for.

Clementine apparently didn't think my one purple drink was good enough and she brought me two shots, hand delivered.

"Maybe we should go slow, I think Adam wanted to go to several bars tonight."

"He does, the next one is a hipster bar that does not serve good drinks. Get it in while you can." She did two like it was nothing and I did one but slowed down on the second. Clementine got fed up and held it up to my mouth for me. "Down goes the medicine, Daniel."

 

* * *

I managed to sober up a bit at the hipster bar, Clementine was right, the drinks are gross. Three nightclubs later though, the drinks were endless and so was the night.

Adam was laughing his ass off about something as he carried May on his back, she was also, laughing her ass off. Clementine was holding onto a chain linked fence in an effort not to fall down and I thought I should do the same. Robert and Alexa, two people I met tonight, were pulling on each other's clothes and kissing each other's necks. Adam did mention they were into each other for a while. Maybe it was the start of something new for them.

Liam was crying to Maggie about, apparently, how pretty the stars looked. Maggie just nodded at him, knowing full well those stars were just lights. We're in Manhattan for god sake.

Wait, are we still in Manhattan? I'm pretty sure at some point of the night we crashed an over-enthusiastic house party in Brooklyn, but I can't be sure.

"He-hey Adam! Where are we?" My words slurred and Clementine laughed at me. She held her arm out and she was petting the air like Wednesday was there. I'm pretty sure she took something in a nightclub with bright orange lights, but again, who can be sure?

"About for-forty blocks from home." Someone groaned and I looked back to see Liam asleep on Maggie.

"I'm getting a cab, I'll never get there with his dead ass on me." Maggie shuffled towards the road, Liam following her looking for his pillow again. We kept shuffling down the street, no one appeared to be in a hurry to get home. We lost Cora in the hipster bar, her babysitter called and said her son got sick and she rushed home. I was sort of aware of the absence all night.

Some teenagers hooted at Clementine and she flipped them off, she is definitely the soberest out of all of us. You haven't lived until you've seen this girl hold her liquor. Adam was swerving with May on his back and suddenly, they hit the floor in a giggling heap. 

We all had tears streaming down our faces from laughing so hard. Someone who's name I didn't learn fell on the ground dramatically laughing. May and Adam shuffled into a sitting position and we all started laughing again. As the person who dramatically fell onto the ground started to get up I heard.

"Dan?!" The voice was familiar and I could place it. I turned around and saw a black blob under a streetlight. I squinted at the blob until a figure of a women appeared.

"Alexandra!" I threw my arms in the air cheerfully, "Everyone! This is my high school girlfriend Alexandra!" Everyone cheered as if I was showing off a first placed trophy. Alexandra kind of is this. In school, everyone mumbled that she was going places, that she was the one, the one in the entire school that would make something of their life. And she did.

"Dan? Are you alright? The call...I was so worried."

"Shhhh." I walked up to her and placed my arm around her. Clementine was petting fake Wednesday again. "I'm fine, everything's fine. Don't worrrryy."

"I'm taking you home. No, can you tell me where that is? Forget it, I'll take you to Ruth's."

"No! I'm going home, these are my friends! We're all walking home together."

"Dan, It's four in the morning. It'll be daylight if you walk all the way home. I need to make sure you get home. That you all get home." Alexandra tried her best to steer us all towards the subway, and eventually she successfully wrangled everyone.

"Oooooo Phil's not gonna like thiiisss." Clementine sang, still petting the air.

"Why? He doesn't mind guests!"

"Noooo it's because Dan and Phil are together!" May sang happily, Adam widened his eyes and mouthed sorry to me.

"Noooo we're not!" One boy, Felix I think, started skipping in a circle and Alexandra sighed loudly, trying to get him to follow us.

"Dan and Phil sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S...wait what comes next?" At that moment, Adam leaned over and vomited all over a car. Clementine pointed and laughed. I don't know how Alexandra didn't decide we were a lost cause then and there.

 

 

 


	8. So What You're Telling Me is He's Your Boyfriend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, well, a few days. I hate not updating but I've had a rough weekend.  
> Too tired to edit, feel free to bully me in the comments with typos.

I slept through Saturday, only getting up to vomit, pee, repeat. I've _never_ drank that much my entire life, and drinking is how I managed to get my college degree. I woke up sometime Saturday night/ sunday morning and saw a ton of messages on my phone. Mostly Phil and one from Ruth, confirming dinner the following day. I thought about telling her I left the country, or that I got called into work or something.

Around noon on Sunday my phone was vibrating next to my head and someone threw the curtains open.

"Rise and shine, princess. You don't get to lay in bed all day." Phil sat at the edge of my bed and grabbed ahold of my blanket, like he was going to rip it off. I grabbed hold of it defensively, because warmth, and also because I came home Saturday morning, stripped, and hit the pillow.

"Yes I do, its my day off." Phil tsked and snatched my phone, the most I could managed was glare at him sideways in annoyance.

"No, you have plans," he lifted my phone up dramatically, "Dan, just wanted to make sure you remembered about tonight, love you, auntie Ruth. Awe."

I sat up quickly, making sure my blanket stayed on my exposed body, I grabbed the phone back. "Don't mock me, Phillip." Phil smirked at me playfully,

"Aunt Ruth that I've heard so much about? You haven't seen her in a while, have you? Must be important to cancel our Sunday plans without consulting me." I panicked for a second that he was angry with me, violent business, violent people, right? He could tear me to shreds and make sure no one would remember me.

"I-I'm sorry, I planned on telling you...but then I-"

"You got plastered, I'm aware." He was smiling at me, God I'm such an idiot.

"I'm sorry," I repeated again, trying to decided if it'd be rude to just pop back down onto my pillow.

"Don't be." Phil swiftly got up from the bed, its all the production with him. "Dinner is still on."

"What do you-" oh OH. No.

"Phil."

"Seven, correct? I'll have a car take us, do make sure you inform Ruth I'm coming, I wouldn't want to intrude or anything."

"Yeah, intrude, its not like you invited yourself or anything." Phil's grin spread across his face like a sly cat, and he was out the door before you could blink.

* * *

 

 

Phil texted the whole way, I was already agitated. I was on the phone with Ruth for over an hour when I asked if it'd be alright to bring my "friend."

"Dan! Did you finally get a girlfriend! It's been ages! I want little Dans!"

"No, Aunt Ruth. _He's_ not my girlfriend." The line crackled in silence, then she started again. The first thing you hear with that women is the accent, then the English.

"So what you're telling me he's your boyfriend."

" _No,_ Ruth, please listen-"

"Y'know Maggie from bingo always said you were gay, I was like nah and she was like yaaaa..." I rolled my eyes, wanting to punch a wall.

"No, he's not my boyfriend, just a friend."

"Is it not a boyfriend but more than friends? I had plenty of those in the seventies dearie-"

"Yes! No! It's something but for now friends, okay? That's it!" I tried not to gag at thought of Ruth's...conquests.

"Oh yaaa, I read ya loud and clear Danny."

 

She said it like we were part of an inside joke, and my stomach was churning at the thought of her playing matchmaker. I should've told her I left the country.

I somehow managed to get Phil out of a suit and into a dress shirt and nice jeans. He looked like a cute hipster I would stare at. He's definitely up there.

Phil kept reaching towards his neck, like he wanted to adjust his tie. Then dropping it when he realized it wasn't there. It must be a nervous habit. It's cute. He's cute, cuter than any hipster. Even if he is a major drug lord.

I made the driver drop us off a block away, Ruth would be outside waiting for sure. She doesn't need to see any of this. I'm telling her I got a job in filing for a small newspaper, to her, Phil is a journalist.

Phil kept his head down as we turned the corner onto the street that I grew up. There weren't any body guards out today. No sales no need. He'd usually take one out if he were shopping or something but we're keeping...whatever _this_ is quiet.

Ruth is short and her hair was newly dyed hair, so when she gave me a hug I got a huge whiff of cheap dye that triggered memories of the teen years.

Phil usually stands tall and proud, but around Ruth he slumped and held out his hand awkwardly for her to shake, which she did, a smile never leaving her face.

"I'm Phil,"

"Yes! I know! I'm Dan's Aunt Ruth, you can call me Aunt Ruth too!" Her eyes twinkled, looking between the both of us. "Well! Come on up boys! Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes!" She turned around, but not before giving me a quick wink that terrified me. What do winks mean? She always winks at such inappropriate times!

 

She shoved me and Phil into the lounge, not giving two shits about our offers to help. The lounge was the same, ugly floral patterns, a TV from the sixties, drapes the same color as my vomit from the day before. Home sweet home.

"Happy you invited yourself?" Phil was tapping his foot and biting his lip, looking around the flat like he was looking for hidden cameras. Its strange to see him so defenseless, unsettling.

"You're the one that made plans when you already had some."

"I forgot, okay! I'm sorry, you didn't have to come."

Phil shrugged and continued to look around, "I wanted to." He said it so quiet and sweetly that my face heated up, I was more than grateful he wasn't looking at me.

"Dinners' ready!"

 

There weren't any awkward silences because Ruth has this overwhelming ability to talk until your ears bleed.

"I talked to your sister last night! She said hello..."

"Marisol hit me with her cane the other day...don't worry I'm fine, she's not though."

"A cute man at the pharmacy winked at me..."

"There's a new couple upstairs and their baby will not shut up..."

 

Phil was smiling at me and Ruth through every topic. Me because Ruth is a chatterbox and its kind of hilarious, and Ruth to be polite. And Ruth was eating it up.

"You're lasagna his amazing, the best I've ever had, truly." Ruth beamed at him, ready to disown me and adopt Phil.

"Alright, Mr. Charming." I muttered under my breath, Phil smiled over at me, not unnoticed by Ruth.

 

We ate our meal in comfortable conversation, something I'm not used to with Ruth. I think she was probably toning it down with Phil there, which is appreciated.

"Dinner was phenomenal, Ruth."

"Thank you, Phil, and please, call me Aunt Ruth." I raised my eyebrow at her but she gave no explanation.

"Alright, thank you for having me, Aunt Ruth." Ruth's grin spread and she waved her hand at his comment.

"Anytime." Phil turned and held the door open for me, Ruth made sure I was aware of it.

She grinned sly and whispered that she liked him, and I got to give it to her, what's not to like?  

 


	9. Pretentious Jerk That Loves to Hit On Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know how much drugs are sold for so

On Monday it was business as usual, and not at all like Phil just had dinner with the only family I have.

A homeless man on the subway peed himself, so the entire cart was practically empty. It really gave me time to sit back and just think, even with the piss smell.

Edwardo glowered at me when I went into the Kitchen. Sometimes I wonder if he ever has any emotion besides anger. Adam was on his way out as I walked in, complaining loudly.

"Brenan Jerid is buying again, shoot me."

"Brenan Jerid?"

"Pretentious jerk that loves to hit on me despite me telling him I'm married." He sighed loudly and I laughed at him, hearing him bicker to himself as he stalked out the door.

My list was a little shorter than usual. Not that I'm complaining, but, like, why? I've been doing decent work, hardly anything bad has happened. I shrugged it off as I pushed out the door, earning an annoyed look from Edwardo.

My first customer was breast feeding a newborn when she opened the door. I wanted to vomit, not because of the breast feeding, but the idea of doing cocaine while you're feeding your newborn with your body. Who is this person? How dare they? I out to leave and call child services on this women.

"Six hundred." I mumbled, hoping she didn't notice my anger with her. She pulled out a wad of hundreds and I almost had a fucking stroke. Even if I'm making amazing money now, I'm still not used to how easy some people have it. I hated this women right then, and I hated myself for it.

She handed it over quietly, looking around outside, probably making sure she wasn't being set up. The baby stopped... _feeding_ and I got the sudden urge to snatch him, to give him a better life than he'll ever get here. But instead, I handed over her large bags of coke and ignored the angel on my shoulder telling me how morally wrong it all is.

* * *

A few hours later I was on my last house. A small but quaint townhouse in Manhattan that is very aesthetically pleasing. There wasn't a doorbell or a buzzer, just an old knocker that looked like a snake. _Hipsters._

"Yeah, yeah,  It's here! Hush up! Hey." He said before turning around. His shortly cut salt and pepper hair made my stomach turn as soon as I saw it. And it shouldn't, many men have hair like that.

As soon as I saw his face I felt dizzy, the world was spinning and I was feeling it. That's what I always thought, when you're feeling dizzy you're just feeling the Earth in it's whole. You're spinning with it. But right now it felt like I was falling off it.

"Well, well, well. It's the home wrecker." John had no signs of a junkie, not now and not when I called him "Daddy" for money all those years ago.

"It's twelve-fifty." I replied, keeping my voice flat. I glanced back for a second and saw May, Adam's wife, leaning against a lamppost, pretending to be on the phone but watching me.

"Can't get a real job, can you? Let me guess, your writing is still shitty and you got evicted? Am I right? Of course I am, you can't seem to do anything right, slut-"

"John-"

"How many other guys' marriages did you destroy after me?"

"You wanted me, John. You paid for my company. You paid for an apartment for me to play dolls and wait for you to fuck me and then leave. It was your choice, remember?"

"You little...you can't do anything! You're completely talentless! That's why you're selling drugs!"

"You're too dimwitted to remember that I can do something, I am very talented at making you scream." That was childish, but I'm twenty years younger than him, and then, suddenly, he swung at me. Catching me by surprise, he landed his blow and I went down. 

Not even a second later, May was there and John joined me on the ground. Tazzed and delirious. May stood above him like an avenging angel. May helped me up quickly and barked something into a cellphone. My face hurt, a lot.

A second later, the person that John was talking to was standing in the doorway. A boy, maybe eighteen, stood there looking terrified. A short pink skirt and nothing else on, he was clutching a pastel blue bear at his exposed chest. John was out cold on the ground. As I stared at this boy I just kept flashing back. God, is this what I looked like? John never made us do drugs, what's going on with him?

Two minutes later Phil pulled up and two huge guys hopped out of the car with him. The men dragged John's limp body into his apartment.

"Maybe you should go, get that checked." May pointed at my eye, it was swollen at hurt like hell, but I couldn't just leave the boy here. I shook my head at her. Phil raised his eyebrows at me, maybe to ask if I'm okay without starting anything. I shrugged back at him.

The main area was littered with toys, some old some new. The same castle dollhouse from my days was pressed against a corner. The boy grabbed a robe off of a hanger and covered himself, he hasn't said much at all.

"What happened?"

"He swung at Dan." May replied shortly, as if it was obvious.

"I see that, but why?" May looked at me as if to explain.

"We got into it."

"About what?" Phil was standing against a wall, not doing anything to stop the interrogation.

"He's my ex. Bad relationship, mutual hate." I ignored the guy when he went to ask me something else and I went up to the boy.

"Are you alright?" I asked the boy, god he looks so fucking young.

"What's going to happen?" His voice was high pitched and whiny and I figure it's just from being around John. Anything for John. I shrugged and looked over to Phil. He looked away quickly, as if not knowing the answer himself.

"What's your name?" I tried to keep my voice comforting and soothing, he's definitely extremely vulnerable right now.

"Ken."

"How old are you, Ken?"

He sighed for a long time, "Sixteen." Fuck. No. I nodded at Ken and pat his shoulder, swiftly walking over to Phil, who had heard it to. In that moment I didn't care about rumors, I just want to make John pay.

 

"You have to do something."

"I know."

"John, he's making him...and he's sixteen. And now he's on drugs. God."

"Did he make you do drugs?"

"No, just..." Fuck.

"Just?"

"He, he likes to choke people during sex. I didn't like it as much." Phil rubbed his temples and glanced back into the living area, where John is still out.

"Is this what it was like for you?"

I nodded at him, "I picked out the dollhouse, he handed me a Toys R Us magazine for Christmas my first year." Phil shook his head,

"I just, I can't believe what you've had to go through."

"Now Ken is, he's sixteen, Phil." Phil nodded and walked back into the lounge, taking a seat next to Ken. Ken spoke first,

 

"You were his first, weren't you? The accent, I got good at it, he made sure." I felt sick right then, everyone's eyes were on me, except for Phil, he was staring at Ken.

"Why are you doing this, Ken?"

"My-my mom is sick and my dad is working a lot but can't afford to pay her. I told him I got a job."

"How did you meet him?"

"He was my basketball coach when I was fifteen. I don't really like basketball that much these days." Phil nodded at Ken and stared at John with enough hate to set the city on fire. As if feeling it, at that moment, John blinked back into reality, sitting up quickly. Phil stood up gracefully and walked towards him, so did May. Ken's eyes widened in fear.

 

"Wha-what is this?"

"What the HELL JOHN!" I screamed at him before Phil could get a word in, Phil looked surprised at my anger. "He is sixteen! Sixteen! What is _wrong_ with you?"

"You're just jealous, I ended it back then and you want more that's the only reason you-" Phil swung, hitting him in jaw. Phil quickly retracted his hand and adjusted his cufflinks.

"He is my employee, you scum. You will _not_ speak to him in this manner." John sneered at him,

"What? He sucking your dick now? That's the only way he knows how to get paid. Ain't that right-" Another punch, landing a smidge of blood on Phil's sleeve.

"That is quite enough. May, Dan, you can go now I'll take it from here." His wording made it sound like a request but his tone said it's an order. Ken looked at me, terror in his deep brown eyes. I smiled at him, saying that he could trust Phil. I'm not sure if he believed me. I'm not sure if _I_ believed me.

Before I followed May out the door, I heard, "You won't be hurting anyone anymore."

 


	10. Somewhere Far Away With All the Fucks I Give

It went to trial, and Ken's testimony brought everyone to tears, or so I heard. It would be too risky for Phil or myself to be there, so Phil had someone low on the food chain go in and report back to us. On the final day of the trial, Phil and I sat in a car outside the courthouse. I was pressed against Phil, and he let it happen. He's been there to wipe my tears and listen, he's been there more than anyone ever has been.

The final day of the trial was also the spring solstice, it was raining hard as I saw Ken emerge from the courthouse, avoiding all the press, he took one look at our car and smiled. Not a few seconds later Phil's reporter jumped into the car with a spring in her step, letting us know that John got twenty years for statutory rape.

I didn't feel relieved like I thought I would. Or maybe I did, because a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. Even if our sex was consensual, most of the time, Ken's wasn't. And he doesn't deserve that. No one does.

 

* * *

Phil walked me to my apartment that Friday, I had off because of the trial. Everyone else was off to work.

"Thank you," I started, not hesitating at all. "Thank you so much, Phil. You saved that boy. You've saved so many people. Me, for god sake. The lost cause."

"You're not a lost cause." Phil butted in, he would never just let me get a word in, would he?

"Nevertheless, thank you. You are truly amazing." Phil smiled at me and I returned it, energy slicing through me. I just got back from my ex going to trial for rape and now I'm thinking of making out with my boss. Maybe I am a slut.

"Have a good day," Phil said formally, turning back towards the elevators.

"Phil! Wait!" He might not even like me that way, hell, I might get fired. But I grabbed his hand and quickly saw his confused face until I saw nothing when I closed my eyes and kissed him. My brain completely shut off, Dan Howell was somewhere else. Somewhere far away with all the fucks I give about kissing my boss.

 

When I reentered my body I found that Phil was kissing me back. Soft and sweet. And when he pulled away, I completely expected him to say something profound and formal, something Phil. But instead he said,

"Security cameras, the guys, totally just saw us make out." He shook his head and laughed, before catching my eager lips again.


	11. I'm Trying to be Romeo

The security guys saw us make out, that is a fact. But they probably also saw me push him into my room, and then us both leaving late the next night and getting in the elevator.

They saw us again.

And again.

Again.

When June first rolled around I practically lived in Phil's penthouse. Pretty view of the city and even prettier view of the sheets.

 

I was out with Adam, Clementine, and Cora at a small restaurant a few blocks from the building. Enjoying break from sales. Friday's are always the best.

We were out of work but many others were still working. May was sitting on a bench across the street, staring at Adam's vegan sandwich intensely. Her hours suck.

"So, I've been selling to the newbie old man for about a month now, and he's been kind and sweet. Well, today he grabs my hip and says, "You had a child, within the last year or so, a boy, correct?" and I just stared at this man, who still had his hand on my hip, mind you, and said he was right. He just smirked and took the coke and slammed the door..." Cora went on but I got a text from Phil, which always takes up all my attention.

**Phil: Tomorrow, super secret romantic adventure. Just the two of us.**

**Me: Sounds lovely. Even lovelier if it ends in your bed...**

**Phil: Get your mind out of the gutter, pretty boy. I'm trying to be Romeo.**

"Earth to lover boy, do you copy?" I rolled my eyes and looked at Adam, who wore a smug smile on his stupid face.

"Yeah, shut up." Around a month ago May tells Adam that Phil and I are together. This time she says Darrel, a security guy, told her about the footage. He didn't show it to her though. May told Adam and Adam said it was ridiculous, but it still seemed to add coal to the fire of our rumors.

"As Clementine was saying, continue,"

"I was wondering if Phil's going to have his usual briefing about everything. We got quite a lot of new staff recently, and schools are starting to let out now."

"Briefing? About what?" Phil didn't tell me about any of this. Well, to be fair, we were a little tied up last night.

All of our phones went off at once, the special ringtone we have for _Mr. Lester's_ work number. Only I have his private number. Well, me and _Angela_. Of whom I have only meant once. She's almost as mysterious as Phil.

 

_**Mr. Lester: All staff is to meet in the conference room on the 5th floor in an hour.** _

 

"I'm psychic, the birds always told me I was." None of us even batted an eyelash. Typical Clementine talk.

 

* * *

The 5th floor conference room was big, I'll give him that. But there is a lot of staff. People I haven't met and probably will never meet. They all looked at me like they knew me, though.

"Alright, schools all over New York are letting out today and the following days and I just want to make a few things clear to you all." Phil's northern accent filled the room with charm even if we was talking over me. "Young dealers, we do not engage, even if they egg you on. We do not sell to minors. And, Shaun Cassidy. Rich kid, private school. He loves to mess with you all. Some of you know this better than others." He paused and stared at a short girl with a buzz cut before continuing.

"We stay away from him and his family. The kid sells shit coke but he has better cards than us. It doesn't mean the play is over. Just, be careful. Dismissed."

The crowd dispersed and swallowed me up. Leaving me with more questions than I came in here with. Who the hell is Shaun Cassidy?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know, kind of a filler kind of not. Big things happening next couple chapters.


	12. New York Charmer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "big things" I mentioned are among us.

Phil woke me up that day in the very romantic way of jumping on my bed.

"Phillllllll...." I whined, with a quick glance to the clock I realized that it was five AM. An ungodly hour.

"Morning pumpkin, the day has started!" He sang in my ear, it is still strange to hear his happy and carefree voice. Especially when you know you're the only one who gets to hear it. To everyone else, he is their mysterious boss.

  
"Ugh. No it hasn't." I rolled over, avoiding his pouting face. God he's like a five-year-old on Christmas morning.

"We're young, the day's young, romance is in the air, it's a beautiful day and I want to spend it with a beautiful person." I blushed down to my toes but thankfully my blanket was over my head. Don't you hate it when you're heart just explodes.

"Phillllll, don't be cute. It's too much." He giggled and laid down next to me, wrapping his strong arms around my squishy for. I always felt inadequate next to him, even if he says that it's ridiculous.

"Come on, baby. We got to leave soon. Clementine gets up at six to take her birds for a walk." _Is Clementine not a meme?_

I rolled over, giving him a peck on the cheek with all the morning breath I could muster. He didn't bat an eyelash. "Buy me coffee?"

Phil rolled his eyes, standing up and somehow pulling me up with the same grace that he carries himself with. "Of course, today is the day I treat you like a king. Like how you deserve to be treated." I sort of felt like Phil was treating me different after the whole John thing. Babying me more, it's frustrating. But I could use a day of Phil's full attention. He's always so busy.

"Alright, get out of here. I need time to get ready. I'll text you." Phil smiled his New York Charmer Smile that melts the hearts of anyone that comes into contact with it. He has that effect on people. I grabbed my hand and pecked a small kiss on it.

"See you soon, love."

 

* * *

 

 

I was out the door by seven-thirty,  much to Phil's protesting. It took me a long time to decide what to wear. It's hard to dress around the heat. Phil always seems immune to it, always in a suit looking like a billion and a half dollars. Fuck him.

Here I was, looking terrible compared to his majesty. He was wearing light cuffed skinny jeans and a baby blue flannel. He is a castle and I am a trash can.

Phil got me Starbucks and then put us on a train and wouldn't tell me where we were going. I couldn't really care honestly. I had an iced latte and my pretty boyfriend's strong hand in mine. I realized he went out without bodyguards today.

I was still wearing black skinny jeans, but I went with a black and white tank top with a spaceship on it. I haven't worn it sense I was nineteen, but its the only tank top I own.

"You look really nice today." He whispered in my ear. I smiled back and returned the compliment. It was strange. We're a strange looking pair. Fire and ice. Our clothing colors are complete opposites of each other. His neutral blues paired with light green and grey vans, and my all black. We looked like mortal enemies. It made me love him.

 

I guess our stop came because Phil was pulling me up in a hurry and pulling me towards the terrifying doors of the subway. Don't trust them, is all I can say.

After a few twists and turns, we stood outside my once favorite place. The Strand bookstore.

Phil was being a hooligan, you'd think he's a lose thirteen-year-old. Pulling me from shelf to shelf, up and down stairs, showing me his favorite books and his favorite books with funny titles.

"This one. I don't buy it because I'd see it too often and it wouldn't be funny...but I laugh at it every time I come here. It's _The adventures of Birtha and Bubblebut."_

It wasn't that funny, not at all. Something a kid would laugh at. But his laugh was so loud and ridiculous I couldn't help but start too, and soon we were laying on the floor, half dead with tears streaming down our faces. A man started to walk down the aisle but saw us and walked away expressionless.

"Fucking teenagers." He mumbled, making us laugh harder.

 

* * *

Phil took me to a million different locations that day, never pausing for anything. He must have planned it for weeks. We went all over the city, as night fell we were at the top of the empire state building, and now he said he had on more place to take me.

Dragging me into the subway, he chattered happily about the little Russian girl at a restaurant we went to. She said Phil had a pointy nose and reminded her of a salmon. I didn't understand the logic...but I guess I can kind of see it. She said that I looked like a bear, and now Phil won't stop.

"Come on, bear. One last place." I stopped asking questions a long time ago and let him drag me off into another adventure.

I didn't realize how badly my feet were killing me until I sat down, god we walked a lot, more than I walk on my routes, and that's saying something.

Phil and I left the mostly empty train in Brooklyn. I hobbled after him, he was still taking long strides. I had to run to keep up. I'm taller than him for god sake.

We arrived at a normal looking apartment building, Phil knocked three times on the door, and it was soon opened by a man with a grin like the Cheshire cat. I instantly felt a pit in my stomach. But Phil reacted kindly, smiling at the man as if he's known him for years.

"Dan, this is Edger. We graduated high school together." Edger shook my hand, his grip tight and I tried my best to return it.

"Hello there. Phil's told me so much about you."

I smiled at him, "Nice to meet you." Edger finally dropped my hand and led Phil and I up to rickety stairs and pushed open a trapdoor in the ceiling,

"I'll leave you two to it, I suppose." He gave Phil one final half smile and Phil took my hand and led me to the edge of the building.

"Oh-oh my _God!"_ The view of the city, from the top of a fucking apartment building, it was breathtaking. Phil is breathtaking. I loved him, right then and there.

"Phil, this is, this is amazing!"

"You're amazing." He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close to him. "Let's eat."

Phil had a table set up that I didn't even notice, sitting on the table was a bottle of champagne and a pizza. A whole fucking pizza and some fancy ass alcohol. God I love him.

"Phil, I-I think I lo-"

"Dan, duck!" Suddenly something was over my head, a bag? What the fuck? 

"Phil?" I started to kick and scream, managing to earn a howl of pain out of my attacker. Suddenly, I heard a sickening crunch and the sound of potatoes falling on the floor. _Phil._

"PHIL! PHIL!" I chanted, screaming at the top of my lungs. They were struggling to keep my arms still, grunting in frustration. Good, I won't make it easy for them. My elbow landed in something that is probably definitely someone's ribs.

"Fuck! Guy, stick him already! Jesus this fucker..."

The voices started to blur together and my movements became annoyingly slower. I felt the sensation of a needle being pulled out of my arm. _The motherfuckers drugged me._

I think I fell, I think I remember that. The world quieted down and so did my thoughts, but I was still chanting.

"Phil, Phil, Ph-il, Ph..."   

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Much appreciated.


	13. I'm Not Intimidated by a Fucking Sack

I woke up with the fucking sack still on my fucking head. Beams of light were shining, illuminating the black sack. The sack is literally fucking black. When people are kidnapped in movies the sack is brown. I have _never_ seen a black potato sack. Did they dye the goddamn sack for dramatic effect? To intimidate me. I'm not intimidated by a fucking sack. Annoyed by it's presence, and a bit confused.

"Drew! Call Mr. Cassidy, the prisoner's awake." My head was suddenly swimming, rolling it only made it even worse. The fucking drugs, shit. What did they stick me with?

  _Cassidy...Cassidy..._ _how do I know that name?_

Suddenly, the black sack was ripped off my head and sunlight blinded me. I felt like I was in a plane that was nose diving. Not long after that, a bucket of freezing water hit me, and I realized my shirt had been taken off.

"Wakey wakey Sleeping Beauty." Sinister, like a possessed doll. I wonder how long he had been working on that one.

When my vision cleared, I saw a man...no. A kid? He looked fifteen! What the fuck?

"How you doing, aurora?" I could only manage a groan in response and he nodded.

"Weak body, the drugs should wear off in an hour. I'll be back then. Cover his head, no more drugs." The man nodded at the kid...Mr. Cassidy? I thought about asking him why his sack is black but I could only whine really high pitched. I heard a slight chuckle and then everything went dark.

 

* * *

 

 

Water again, this time somehow colder. It's fucking summer time, how are they getting water so cold in a bloody warehouse? God? What if I'm not even in New York anymore? What if Phil doesn't come get me? What if he doesn't even look?

 

"Alright, Aurora, where does Lester store the drugs?"

Storing? Fuck, I don't know anything about where he stores the big stuff. Just where the kitchen is. That's where the salesmen always get it for direct sales. Maybe that's where. Except there is one issue, I'd never tell him.

"Come on, Danny. Don't be a hero."

"I don't know what you're talking about." My voice was rough and scratchy, partly because of all the yelling and partly because of dehydration. God, how long has it been?

"What day is it?" He laughed at me like a teenager would laugh at a lunch table.

"Do you know who I am, Aurora?"

I snickered, "No."

He laughed again, "I'm SHAUN BLOODY CASSIDY. I'M THE GUY THAT COULD RIP YOUR TONGUE OUT WITH MY OWN. REPLACE YOUR EYEBALLS WITH YOUR NUTS AND YOUR NUTS WITH YOUR EYEBALLS! I WILL RUIN YOU. DO NOT PLAY ME FOR A FOOL, DAN HOWELL."

I almost laughed, his explosion was, well, terrifying. But mostly because it was unexpected. He's a kid, he should be in middle school and learn shapes.

"WHERE ARE THE DRUGS STORED." I sighed and leaned in as much as my bonds would let me. God, my wrists hurt.

"Go to hell." There was a sharp pain in my jaw and then nothing again.


	14. Sleeping with the Bird Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unedited because I'm trash

**(Phil's POV)**

 

 

I didn't bother with Edger, and I didn't call anyone. I don't remember how I got home, but I suddenly was standing in front of my building, out of breath and phone in hand.

_**To: Angela, Tori, Greg,  Jacob, Xander** _

**Me: Go to 730 now, URGENT.**

It was late, or early. I don't know how long I was out exactly, but the sun was starting to rise. I felt sick.

 

I looked like hell still, there was blood on my sleeve. Mine? Dan's? Who knows.

They were all in their pajamas, I'm glad they understood urgent.

"Steven Cassidy, he took one of our own."

Steven Cassidy. My second year in the business, Steven tried to take us over. First he asked me to work for him, but I had all the money in the world and a perfect recipe. I told him no, respectfully.

No one else was there that night besides Angela and her late fiancé. Steven Cassidy took care of her.

We were in my old warehouse. God, I was nineteen. Angela was twenty. We were just kids.

Guns were drawn, all of the old staff that lived through that night quit. Colleen Murphy. Body guard, newbie. Five days max. She shot Steven Cassidy in the knees, and he fell of the cat walk he was on, permanently paralyzed. We all took the opportunity to flee, and I never heard from Colleen again. I assume she's dead. If the Cassidy's are good at one thing, it's revenge.  

 

"How do you know?" Greg questioned, a tremor ripping through his voice. He's so sensitive, but he's the best damn shot I've ever seen. That's why these people are my Five. They excel in their craft.

"He still does the tattoos, I saw it on the wrist of the man who bagged Dan." He brands his staff with an American flag with a sword ripping through it.

"Dan? Dan, the trial guy?" It was nicer than saying, "Dan? The guy everyone thinks you're fucking?"

"Yes, Dan Howell. They took him." Steven Cassidy has never kidnapped anyone before, or at least that's the rumor on block. The other rumor is his fifteen-year-old son took over because Steven is permanently in a wheelchair.

"Okay, not a big deal. Sales, easily replaced." Tori added. I thought about replacing Dan's place with her. Easily replaced, right Tori?

Before I could go off on her, Angela beat me to it, "No, he's one of us. Low ranked or not. We have to go get him. God knows what they're doing to him." My Five know better than to listen to the gossip, but they all turned to me right then. I felt sick, I was shaking, and I was tired. So damn tired.

 

"You saw Dan get bagged? Where were you? Maybe I can get into security cameras." Xander offered, pulling out his shiny laptop out of the messenger bag that he always seems to be carrying around. Even over his superman pjs.

 

"Edger Villi's roof." I didn't have an explanation to give, and I knew they wanted one.

Within seconds Xander had up the footage. We already had their contacts listened, address, phone number. People we associate with.

"Okay, lets go back to before you arrived..." We watched as the clock in the counter ticked back and then Edger was on the roof, setting up the table. "Seems all-" Edger's phone rang, he was smiling maliciously into the receiver. I squinted my eyes at him,

"We're paying Edger Villi a visit, get dressed."

"Hold on, let's see that actual kidnapping."

We watched as the men broke the hatch in the floor, and I watched as they placed a black sack over Dan's head. And then I watched as I got knocked out, hitting the ground like a ton of bricks. Come to think of it, my head does hurt...

"Oh my god." Jacob breathed out.

The one man had Dan's limp body over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. And someone else was there...is that-

"Edger Villi!" Angela's eyes were filled with range. Angela and I have known each other sense high school. We had classes with Edger. We were all friends. Edger shook the man's hand and hugged the other one, watching as they struggled to pull Dan's lanky form through the hatch. They hit is head a few times.

"Phil? Are you alright...you're-" I clamped my mouth shut, I was growling, and crying at the same time.

"Get dressed. Call May and...Rodger. We're going to Edger's. Greg, bring your gun. And get your team ready and waiting by their phones. Twenty minutes, we meet in the lobby."

* * *

 

 

I wore a suit, but my hair wasn't brushed and I made no attempt to cover up the redness that has taken over my face. I don't have time for makeup. _Dan_ doesn't have time for makeup. God, what if he's dead? What will I do? I can't...I can't lose him. I can't.

He's going to leave after this, he isn't going to want to be apart of this life. And who can blame him? This is my path, I've laid the bricks and now I have to walk on them.

It doesn't have to be his.

It took far too long to get to Edger's but the team looked intimidating, May and Roger led the back, sunglasses and black power suits. They looked like secret service. Greg also had his team following close behind. Guns concealed under their black clothes. It's summer for gods sake, no one seems to be sweating though.

 

If Edger was in on this, he'd be stupid to still be here. But he wasn't top of his graduating class, I was.

We didn't knock, May kicked the door down. We were getting some looks, we looked like assassins.

"Edger Villi!" They stormed the house, knocking everything down in the process.

"Get his laptop!" Xander somehow managed to stuff it into his messenger bag as I made my way to the roof.

 

I stared at the security camera that the owner of Edger's building installed.

"Xander! Can you take out the footage? If the landlord sees it he will call the police. They get in the way." Xander sat at the table where Dan and I were suppose to have a nice dinner and did his thing in under two minutes.

"Done."

They cleared the house, knocking down every bookshelf and poster to make sure there wouldn't be somewhere he could hide.

 

"Alright, we need to get into the laptop."

 

* * *

Home was too far away, so we took up residence in an empty Starbucks. Xander had everything on Edger's computer on a flash drive in seconds, and then it was on his own computer.

"It's mostly porn. Lonely guy." Xander mentioned as he rifled through Edger's files. Who saves porn?

"Wait, I got something. Emails with someone."

 

_**Yes, they're coming tonight. Is everything set up? You have to know, I'm doing this for Phil, you snake. Not for you. Dan is no good for him. You better take care of the little loser.** _

 

"The response has been deleted." I had my eyes clenched shut and my head bowed. This is all because he thinks I can do better? What kind of monster is he?

Angela was shaking her head, tears in her eyes. "I never thought he'd do something like this." I stared at her, we haven't properly talked in a while. There were rumors going around with mine that said she was "sleeping with the bird girl," meaning Clementine. I wonder if there's any truth to those.

 

Xander typed away for a few more seconds before he clapped, smiling triumphantly.

"Fucking idiot! Jesus, lonely and stupid. He made this too easy! He literally looked up the directions to a barn in...Lancaster, Pennsylvania? What the fuck? That's...that's hours away!"

"It's too easy." Tori responded suspiciously.

"It's all we have." I looked around at everyone, we don't do things like this. We're a no drama drug ring. But they are trained. "Greg, you and your team. Bullet proof vests and helmets, take King. The rest of us, May and Roger will take Queen. All of us in the same gear. And with guns."

"Phil, you know I don't like-"

"I'm not risking it, Angela. Take the fucking gun." She didn't argue.

"Call the pilots, tell them I'll pay them extra if they can get us there in time, It's the Cassidy, tell them to give us a grand entrance."  


	15. The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There probably won't be anymore POV switches. The story is winding up to...what? Hmmmm....

**(Dan's POV)**

 

 _"The sun will come out...tomorrow..."_ Shaun Cassidy sang. I wondered for a brief moment if he has an infatuation with kids things, like a serial killer. God, why am I still alive?  
Two days, I think. No food, no water. I can't even speak right, so I guess I can't give up the location of the drugs, no matter how many times the kid's staff runs a blade across my empty stomach.

Come on, Phil. Where are you?

"You don't actually think _Phil Lester_ is coming to save you, right? Like some knight in shining armor?" Shaun scoffed, "The same horrible man who ruined my father's life? The same reason we have to live on the noisy first floor apartment? THAT PHIL LESTER!" This is what he does, I stay silent and he works himself up. Sometimes he gets playful and tells Drew to give me little cuts on my stomach or thighs.

"Drew! It's time for another playdate!" Drew heaved his gigantic body off the ground and walked towards me, opening his pocket knife theatrically.

Shaun sat there, grinning ear to ear as Drew ran the blade across the tops of my thighs. There's one cut that looks infected, and it probably needs stiches too. I was almost to numb to feel pain. Drew noticed this, so he ran the blade across an open wound on my stomach, earning a weak cry from me. I'm so dehydrated.

 

This went on forever. There's no time in this place. I had a lot of it to think about my life before this. I probably would've ended up starving in the streets anyway, but god, why me, why this?

Well, I guess I know why. I'm Phil's "mistress" as Shaun puts it and he wants to get to Phil.

"I don't even care about the whereabouts of the drugs, at this point I'm enjoying myself. I realize now I should've taken someone that doesn't love Mr. Gay, I'll remember that for next time." I wanted to scream. To rip all this brown hair out and shove it down his throat. And cut him, get him in on the "playdate." Starve him and deny him basic necessities. I wanted him to deal everything that I felt for the next hundred years.

He's just a kid...

No, he's not. He gave up the privilege when he pulled a knife.

 

* * *

 

 

  
"The knife doesn't get anything out of him anymore, and frankly, I'm bored. He's too loyal, and I want to go home. Finish him." Is this a fucking video game?

Death, death is a strange concept. There are so many religions with so many different ideas on "afterlife," but what actually happens? What will happen in the physical world is, Ruth will have me cremated and I'll sit in her house next to the urn of her dead cat. Jeanine might come home and sit with Ruth for a few days. My novel would sit, maybe be burned. Phil will...well...who knows? He might be used to this sort of thing.

Ruth will talk to Mr. Pickles' ghost like she always does, Clementine's birds will still sing, May will still gossip, and the world will keep turning. Maybe I'll see my parents again. Maybe they'll be waiting with open arms. I can tell them everything, the good the bad, and the dirty. Maybe not, if this figurative place is heaven. I think getting into there is as hard as getting into Harvard. But my parents weren't saints, mom and dad hooked up with a lot of girls in college. If it exists, I'll see them in Hell.  

The wind had picked up, significantly, and suddenly, Drew's gun wasn't pointed at me. Shaun was whipping his head around, and a women ran into the building.

"Two helicopters, on each side. People with big guns. We've got to get you out of here." Shaun nodded at her and turned to me, yelling over the roar of the wind,

"Mommy's here to pick you up. Can't wait for our next playdate, Daniel." With the blink of an eye, he was gone. And people with big guns were surrounding me.

 

 

* * *

As soon as someone that sounded like May yelled "CLEAR!" Into her shoulder, Phil ran in, completely losing his usual swagger.

He dropped to my knees and started to untie me. The ropes were bloody, my stomach was bloody. Blood ran down my legs. Phil didn't seem to care as he ripped the sharp ropes off my ankles and moved to my feet.

"Get the nurse!"

Two seconds later, a women with purple hair was stitching up my wounds.

"Dan? Dan?" Everyone was watching us, Phil had been crying. I was wrong about him. "Love, I'm so, so sorry. It's all my fault I'm so sorry."

He doesn't mind the audience.

I shook my head at him, unable to say anything. The nurse ordered me to open my mouth, and she shined a light into it.

"We need to get him back, he's extremely dehydrated." Phil was crying, but no tears came for me. The air was sticky and humid but it was so cold, I was so cold.

"Let's get you home."

* * *

 


	16. I Think You'll be an Excellent First Lady

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't even read this over. I apologize for the grammar errors. Today isn't a good day.

I faded in and out a lot that night, fear being the constant issue on my brain. I heard whispers, people talking above me, speaking nonsense.

I thought about Ruth, and how Jeanine is visiting at Christmas, and how I almost missed her. A bullet in my head, a slice at my throat, she would've come home to a headstone and Ruth's shitty ham.

I woke up, it was dark and my arm hurt.

"Dan?" At the sound of Phil's voice, I tried to sit up. Suddenly, pain shot up my torso, bringing me back to reality. "I'm so sorry, I'm so damn sorry, I understand if you..." Phil trailed off as I looked around, Phil's room, Phil's bed.

"Why aren't you in bed?" My voice barely had anything to it, just scratchy noise.

"How are you? Marge had to stitch you up in a few places..."

"It hurts, but I'm alive," I laid back and stared at the ceiling, "Water...?" Phil was right there suddenly with a glass and a bendy straw.

"Here baby." I normally would've cringed at the name, but I didn't have it in me.

"Is-is everything-okay?" I panted, after finishing the entire glass. I realized it was a big affair, saving me from the clutches of a fucking kid. They must know, all of them must know. Someone must have carried me up here, for gods sake.

"Don't worry, darling. Don't worry about anything. You just need to get better, I love you. I love you so much..." I reached out a hand for him, he linked his fingers through mine instantly.

"Lay with me." Phil looked ready to put up a fight, but must have thought better of it. He slid into bed gracefully, but he appeared to be shaking a little. I winced slightly as he brushed my stiches, but I let him hold me anyway. Phil's arms could chase away the nightmares.

 

* * *

On Friday, Phil and I went to Ruth's. Not for any reason specifically. Just for a visit, and because I almost died. She didn't need to know that, though. I told Phil I'd be fine to work next week.

"No."

"Phil."

" _No."_

"Phil, I have to work, this is my job, _remember?"_

"No, not anymore." His voice was final, he now held my hand in the street, not caring about the body guard. I practically lived in his penthouse anyway. He wouldn't let me out of his sight. "I'm firing you."

"Phil! No, I need this job."

"No, I'm not having it. You're my-" he stopped abruptly, making me confused as well as angry. "Everyone knows about us anyway, you don't need to work. You need to be safe. Shaun Cassidy is after us, and he almost killed you trying to get to me. So no, no more work."

"Phil-"

"Dan, just-just let me take care of you." His voice had gone low and soft, a side of Phil I don't get to hear often. So I pursed my lips and nodded. Fuck, I love him. And it almost killed me.

 

* * *

 

 

"I ordered pizza, because it's too fucking hot to cook." Ruth is like that, she'll swear like a sailor but hit you with a magazine if you say hell. Her air conditioning was broken, and she was fanning herself with said magazine, looking especially done with everything.

 

"Thanks for having us, aunt Ruth." I sat on the couch, Phil still wouldn't stop touching me. He's let go of my hand, but he is so close he's practically on top of me. Ruth has noticed that closeness, winking at me whenever Phil would look away.

"Of course, I wish you'd come by more. God forbid, Danny."

"I know, I'm sorry. We've just been so busy." Ruth rolled her eyes and started going on about her neighbors with the new dog.

The familiarness was very welcomed, like I hadn't just been sliced a thousand times. The disgusting pizza that Ruth always gets because it's cheap, her complaining louder than the neighbor's new Chihuahua, Phil smiling at me, as us. Everything was forgotten for a brief moment.

 

 

* * *

 

"Now, just because you're not in sales anymore doesn't mean your not working. You're with me, with supervising and the paperwork. It's a great time." Phil told me in the car on the way back. His phone, like usual, going off like crazy. 

"Philllll, I'm the first lady."

"I think you'll be an excellent first lady."

"Don't first ladies have to be married first?"

"Like I said, I think you'll make an excellent first lady."

 

 

 

Phil had a meeting as soon as he got back, which he brought me to. Me acting as first lady and all.

Angela was talking about the Cassidy's when we walked in. Phil's team sat at a round table like knights.

"Mr. Lester...what's he-"

"He's with me now. Understand?" They all nodded, looking thoroughly confused. Phil's top five call him Mr. Lester?

Angela scurried up to him, eyeing me carefully, she whispered, "we were just discussing the Cassidy's investigation." Phil glanced at me before he gave Angela a looked that read "later."

"It's fine, you can talk about it around me."

"But-"

"I won't flip out, okay? I'm alright." Phil stared at me, lowering his voice to a whisper.

"Dan, maybe it's not such a good idea-"

"No! Jesus. Stop treating me like I'm made of glass. I can handle it! Please!" My voice broke at the please, making me closer to spilling the oncoming tears.

"Dan..." His voice was so goddamn loving and concerned, why can't he get it through his head. I'm fine.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

I'm _fine._

I'm crying.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm unhappy.


	17. You Look the Prettiest Without Anything On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fooorrreshadooowiiinnng...

 

 

 

Fall in the city brought a sudden change to the game. It had now been a year since I begun my work here. Well, it would have been. If I was still working. Shaun Cassidy has been making empty threats, nevertheless, they've been getting to me terribly.

All the schools were back in session by the end of September. On October first, I decided to go out again.

I had been out, obviously. With Phil though. He didn't want me out of his sight, and whenever I'm not around him, the anxiety tickles my neck with it's feather fear talons.

"Dan, you know I don't like it-"

"It's alright. There are body guards with us, we'll be fine." We're hitting a couple bars. Adam, Clementine, Cora, Liam, and I. Phil has May, Roger, and Maggie on guard duty. Much to my pleading, because May wanted to come with us. She's the best guard, and there is no arguing with the king.

"The first lady isn't suppose to go out without them."

"Didn't we decide the first lady isn't the first lady unless she's married?"

"Yeah, about that, I have to ask you-"

"Dan! Come on! Friend time! Boyfriend time later!" Clementine was being bold, interrupting her boss that way. She had been acting strangely recently. I went down to 420 to look for something I left behind and there was laughing coming from her room.

When I looked behind Clementine, I saw Angela was with her. Phil's top never really come on expeditions, they're all very introverted. Rumors have been flying like crazy, centered around Angela. Supposedly, May saw Angela's phone light up with a message, and the sender's name was just a heart emoji.

Also she was wearing Clementine's sweater, but I don't think anyone noticed besides me.

"Alright, one second." I turned to Phil, feeling extra needy all of a sudden, I snaked my arms around his waste. Phil isn't one for PDA, so him stiffening at first didn't surprise me, he loosened up a moment later.

'What did you want to ask me?"

"Hmmm?" Something foreign flashed in Phil's cloudy eyes, fading away as quick as it came, "Nothing. I got the letter from the publishers today. You're novel is being published."

"What!" I screeched, not letting go as I jumped up and down.

"Holy SHIT!" Phil smiled at me, and I yanked him down for a kiss. Sloppy and everywhere, but I was high.

"Hey congrats man."

"Yeah, I'll buy you a drink."

"Celebration!" I suddenly wanted to stay with Phil and "celebrate" with him. But I need to get for once.

"I love you." I whispered against his lips, he smiled softly at me, repeating the phrase in a way that made my skin tingle.

 

* * *

 

"You guys are soooooo cute!" Cora drew out. In August, she dyed her hair bright green and chopped it to her shoulders. It looks cool, like an anime character.

"King and queen, taking over the company." Adam ruffled my hair, no venom to the words.

"King and king, actually." Angela rolled her eyes and Clementine's comment, a fond smile on her face. Is no one else seeing this?

"If I had known that seducing Mr. Lester would get me out of work, I would've done it ages ago!" He meant it jokingly, but it hit home. Do they think I'm with Phil for the money? I'll admit, that's the reason I took the job...but-

"Yeah, but then you wouldn't have had this ass." May jeered, slapping her butt for effect. Adam laughed at her,

"True. I couldn't give that up for nothing."

"Anything!" May yelled from the back of the group, earning an annoyed huff from Adam and giggling from all of us.

 

 

* * *

"Guys! The stars are sooooooooooo pretty!" Liam slurred, plopping down on the sidewalk, staring wistfully at the sky.

"Liam, honey, those are building lights." Maggie kneeled down, trying to break the heartbreaking news.

"Noooooo!" Liam buried his head in Maggie's shoulder, Maggie turned red. I wonder if something's going on with them too. Love is everywhere! Breathe it in! It tastes like bubblegum margaritas!

"More drinks!" I yelled, craving a margarita as we walked to the subway.

"No!" May exclaimed with what I think is mock-enthusiasm. The bodyguards have just become drunk-wranglers. It's an amusing sight. But so are the stars. Which are definitely stars Maggie is fucking wrong.

"Don't cry Liam! Those are stars! We're all stars! More drinks!" I leaned against a chain linked fence that looked suspiciously familiar, laughing so hard that tears were coming out of my face.

"Oh my god, Dan, no."

"Shots! Yes, lets do shots!"

"Yes!" Angela and Clementine shouted in unison, then stared at each other before bursting out laughing, falling against each other.

"Dan, Jesus Christ, Phil is coming to get you."

"All of us?" Roger asked, hope clouding his deep voice.

"No just Dan, we still need to get these drunk fucks home." Roger groaned and Clementine laughed at him.

"Is he bringing shots?" My eyes opened, I had to blink the laughing tears away.

May sighed, eyes bulging. "I don't know, Dan." She sounded like an annoyed parent talking to a toddler. Last time she was fun. What gives.

Not five minutes later, a car pulled up and Phil got out, looking professional.

"Phillll! Phil, why do you always look so good. It's a crime, you're-you're committing a crime!" I giggled at his pretty face as he grabbed my hand. "You look really good in normal clothes too, you should wear them too."

"Come on, princess, lets get you home." Angela and Clementine were laughing, but I think it was more aimed at themselves.

I gasped, "Phil! look at the stars!"

"Dan-"

"They're so pretty, you're so pretty. Pretty pretty pretty." I sang happily to him as he led me to the car, "You look the prettiest without anything on."

"Dan...get in the car." If I'm not mistaken, I made _Phil Lester_ blush.


	18. YES

Fall in the city brought another change, to my life more than it did the game. Nearing Halloween, Phil announced we'd be having a party. A big one I guess, for the workers and their families. Black tie dress code and all the bullshit.

"I don't even have a suit."

"I already bought you three options, they're in our closet."

"Phiiilllll, you know I hate socializing! And it's your party, so I'll be forced to!" I was pouting for real, and Phil stepped towards me, mimicking my face.

"C'mon baby, let me show you off. You're so pretty, I want everyone to know I got the prettiest boy in the world." I rolled my eyes at him, trying to hide the blush that spread across my face. We've seen each other naked and it never goes away.

"Can I invite Ruth?" Phil smiled at me, pleased he managed to convince me no doubt.

"Of course you can, she's always welcome." Phil never talks about his mom, his dad died. But his mom is a mystery to me.

"Are you inviting any...family?" I asked trying to me nonchalant. Phil frowned and stepped away from me. Distance, his specialty.

"No, Dan. You know I don't have any."

"You-you never talk about your mother."

"Like I said, Dan. I don't have any family to invite." I nodded at him, annoyed even though I understand why he doesn't want to talk about it. I told him my family's story, but I guess that this long of a relationship doesn't deserve openness.

"No, Dan, don't be-"

"Cora and I are...Cora is taking her son to a pumpkin patch, she asked me to go, he's a handful."

"Cora has guards-" But I was already out the door and down the hall, not crying.

 

 

* * *

 

Cora's son, Isaac, was running around by the small pumpkins. He had jet black hair, giving me an idea on what Cora's natural hair color is. It's better to focus on Cora's constant anime cosplay than Phil.

"So what's up, you looked like you were about to cry when you showed up."

"Nothing, just-"

"Isaac! NO! Put that down! Do NOT throw that!" Isaac had a small pumpkin aimed at another toddler, the girl was sticking her tongue out at him and calling him toddler names. Her mom was staring fondly at the girl.

Cora scooped up Isaac, dropping the tiny pumpkin on the ground. Isaac then set to work with a hot wheels car, running it along Cora's shoulders and head. He's so cute.

"Sorry, continue."

"Right, um, Phil just won't open up to me. I mean, he has about somethings, just...he knows everything about me, you know? There's no more skeletons."

"Well," Cora started, blowing a long strand of green hair green hair from her eyes. She had it up in Harley Quinn ponytails, the "bangs" didn't seem to be working for her. "He's Phil, you know? He doesn't really open up to anyone. Not even Angela, and she was his friend in school. I think you know the most about him, okay Isaac, go pick out a SMALL pumpkin, okay?" Isaac scurried off, a giant grin on his face. Precious, I wonder if Phil wants kids. "He's never had a boyfriend or girlfriend for as long as Angela can remember. He either kept them all a secret or...Clementine's facts aren't right."

"Jesus, I was a real dick to him, I need to apologize." Isaac ran back, two pumpkins in his hand.

"Two!"

"No Isaac."

"Yes Isaac!" Cora laughed and ruffled his raven hair,

"Fine." Isaac cheered and held him pumpkins up to Cora. 

"He's so fucking cute an he knows it too. Damn him." Isaac now had a poly pocket on top of his toy car and was driving them around in the dirt. How many toys does that kid keep in his pockets?

 

* * *

 

I ran into the penthouse, causing Phil to jump at me swiftness.

"What's wrong!" He still had his glasses on, because I might have hidden his contacts. But he was dressed for the day, I don't get to see him in pj's often.

"I'm sorry, I overreacted. I do that sometimes, you don't have to talk if you aren't ready to. I feel terrible for pushing-"

"Dan, Dan its alright, you didn't push or offend me, I just don't like to talk about her."

"I understand, I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be, love. It's alright." He pulled me into his lap, so I was straddling him. A change of pace I definitely don't mind.

"She died during the birth of my sister. They didn't make it to the hospital because dad was at a huge meeting at the docks. I was at the nanny's."

My eyes widened, he has a sister-

"Now you're wondering about my sister, she didn't make it through the birth either. Mom was only seven months pregnant, first of all. Also she drank a lot during pregnancy. The drug thing and having a family was wearing her thin. They were going to name her Haylee."

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, Phil." I didn't, he's lost...he's lost everything. I only lost my parents, he lost everyone.

"It's alright. I was two, I don't even remember her or my sister. Besides, my father gave me enough love for both of them. It's not some tragedy. It's just life, and thankfully I never had to mourn them."  I buried myself into Phil's neck, hoping to be some sort of comfort.

"You're my family now, and I hope, you'll be my family forever." I felt something hard press up against my abdomen and I couldn't help but think it's sort of an inappropriate time to be hard.

"I was going to do this at the ball, but I can't wait." I pulled back, confusion evident all over my face.

"What do you-" That's when I looked down, he wasn't hard, he was proposing, he was fucking proposing, and then I was crying.

"Dan, would you do me the honor of becoming Mr. Lester-"

"YES!" I buried myself in his neck again, giving him a million tiny kisses on every patch of skin I could find. "I love you I love you..."

"Pull back love, let me give you the ring." My heart exploded, he wants to merry me.

He placed the large ring on my finger, kissing my hand sweetly. "I love you, baby." I was crying and so was he and we were just staring at each other and I felt whole.

* * *

 


	19. Goat is Potty Trained

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was just a lot of me playing around with outfits.

I had to hide my ring from everyone, Phil wanted to announce the engagement at the party, dramatic effect I suppose. So the night of the party, I was bouncing in my seat. My suit was shiny and loud but Phil said I looked sexy so I decided to deal with the flamboyancy. It made my ring shine even more.

Ruth informed me that she is delighted to go, something tells me she'll stick out like a sore thumb but I do want her there. Everyone is going and they can invite any family they want. Phil rented out this huge building, probably for millionaire weddings. The guest list was ten miles long, everyone was talking about what they were going to wear.

Phil's suit was simple black and slim-fitting he looked like bloody James Bond, he is the sexiest human being I swear to god-

"Ready to go?" He held his hand out to me, unaware of my torment. Tonight is going to be terrible.

"Lead the way, fiancé."

"Right this way, fiancé."

 

 

Phil and I were the last to arrive, Phil hosting the party and all. He's all about being fashionably late. He had some of my lipstick on his lips, but he looked to cute for me to tell him. Dark purple, he'll kill me later.

The music stopped briefly but started back up again at the way of his hand. He is made of magic and power.

Cora was the first to come up to me, "Dan, Mr. Lester...this is my boyfriend, Jeff, and his daughter Olivia." Jeff was a short man with blonde hair and a winning smile. Lawyer, everything about him screamed lawyer. Olivia appeared to be six, with white-blonde hair. She wore a little silver dress that puffed at the bottom and she was holding Isaac's hand.

"Hello Jeff." Phil and I said in unison.

"Hey, thanks for inviting us, Olivia loves and excuse to dress up." I realize she had a tiara in her hair too. Cora's dress looked like a church window. It was straight and white, but had triangle of different colors in it, her hair was up in a prom look. She looked like a goddess, anime hair and all.

 

Clementine and Angela was were standing by a door, arms linked and sipping champagne. It looked like Clementine had a bird on the corner of her suit.

 

I didn't have time to inspect it because Ruth ran up to Phil and I, wrapping us both in a hug. Awkwardly because we're both over six feet.

"Boys! It's so good to see you!" Cora's eyes were wide, my surprise that someone was acting this way towards Phil.

Ruth was wearing dress pants and a red blouse, her makeup done full out. She makes the most with what she has.

"I never knew Phil was this rich." She mouthed at me as Phil made small talk with Jeff. I shrugged at her and she winked at me before heading off towards the snacks.

 

"Hey, I'm going to go talk to Clementine." Phil smiled and nodded at me as I broke our hands for the first time that night.

 

Clementine did have a small green bird with her, because he kept flying back and forth bringing pretzels.

"Don't worry, Goat is potty trained." I didn't as why her bird was named Goat, even though I kind of wish I did. How many birds does this women have.

"You're very shiny." Angela commented, her dress came to the floor, black and silky. Her brown hair was straightened too, she looked nice but nothing compared to Clementine. Who's usually long and straight blonde hair was cut short and curled. Her suit was blue, bringing out her eyes and Goat's eyes. I'm surprised Goat wasn't wearing a suit either.

 "Phil's choice. I like it though." Her smile was genuine as she looked me up and down. Clementine looked like she was calculating the probability of her getting blind. She's like that, she kind of always looks like she's doing math in her head. Her glasses don't help.

Angela gasped and I saw her eyes fixed on my hand. I looked down and grinned, my ring.

"Is-" My phone dinged.

**Phil: Stage, time to address the court, fiancé.**

**Me: On my way, your majesty.**

 

"See you ladies later." Clementine blinked as I talked, but I already turned around and made my way towards the stage.

 

Phil and I both being freakishly tall made us look awkward on stage. Well, made me look awkward. He stood like a king, and he was. He always will be.

"Thank you all for coming tonight..." His northern accent charmed the crowd into listening. "I had this party for one reason specifically, to propose." He paused and let the crowd gasp, "But, I couldn't wait. So this is our engagement party. Of sorts, I suppose." He linked his hand with me, and I knew this was the first time he really discussed our relationship with everyone. "Thank you all for coming."

As soon as we got off the stage, Ruth ran up to us, tears in her eyes. I realize she didn't have kids. I'm really all she ever had.

She slapped me on the arm, hard. "Dan! You idiot! Why didn't you tell me! Damn you!" She cried and hugged us, Phil smiled awkwardly at her.

"You, you take care of my boy, you hear me? Promise me you'll take care of him." The tone was light but Phil's voice had gone low, serious.

"I promise." And then we were whisked away into a sea of congratulations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone else find Angela and Clementine as entertaining as I do? Ship of the year? I think so! Someone come up with a ship name.


	20. Dan's Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is Dan dreaming, remembering everything leading up to the events in the previous chapter. There will be different scenes from Dan's childhood, and we'll be going more in depth with what we have learned so far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to make this/these chapters to give you more insight into Dan's past. I might do one for Phil too. If you guys don't like it let me know.

Dan, age 5:

"God, soon you'll be going off to college, and then you'll be getting married. That's what sending your kid to kindergarten means! Do we have to send him, Paul? Can't we keep him another year?" I was standing by the doors to my and my nine-year-old sister's school. We'll only be in the school for one year, and then Jeanine will be sent to middle school.

"Claire, he's five, it's school! We still have thirteen years before we have to say goodbye! And by then, it's not even forever, okay? C'mon, Dan, we'll walk you to class."

"Can I go? Miranda is waiting by the door, we have Mr. Swartz together!" Mom knelt down by Jeanine's feet and stuck a lock of brown hair behind her ear, Jeanine recently got it cut short and put pink highlights in it. She's the coolest nine-year-old around. Or at least she thinks she is.

"Baby! Oh god! Middle school next year! My babies are growing up!"

"By mom," Jeanine rolled her eyes dramatically and made for the door.

"Alright, Dan." Mom said sniffling, "Let's get you to Ms. Dylan's class. Shape up Paul, no more sniveling." Dad sputtered making mom and I laugh. My superman sneakers lit up as I walked, hand in mom's with dad close behind.

 

We got there with minimal issue, Ms. Dylan had long brown hair and a pointy nose, her perfume smelled like dead cats, or maybe that was just her. She smelled like dead cats.

"Hi!" Her voice was high pitched and nasally, like my aunts. "And you are?"

"Da-Daniel Howell." Mom stated, wiping her eyes again. Ms. Dylan smiled warmly at my parents.

"Of course, Dan, your desk is in the middle, by Erica, the girl with the red pigtails." I nodded at her and hugged my mom one last time before scurrying off to my new desk.

Erica wore a yellow dress with butterflies on it, her pigtails were up with rubber bands that had purple sparkly balls at the ends.

"Hi!" She was missing her front tooth, and damn I was jealous! Jeanine had lost a tooth last week, and I've been jealous at my lack of tooth fairy attention. "I'm Erica!"

"I'm Dan, nice to meet you." I shook her hand because dad told me that's the polite thing to do.

"Do you wanna be my boyfriend?"

I screwed up my nose at her, "What's that."

"My sister has one, they are friends that are a boy."

"Oh okay then!"

 

* * *

Dan, age 8:

Erica was turning eight, and she had a slip-n-slide and a bouncy castle, and clown, which she was terrified of.

Mom and dad drug along Jeanine too, who felt she was too old for a "baby" party, at the impressive age of twelve.

Erica ran up to me, wearing a yellow spotted bikini. Her hair was soaked and she had mud on her legs.

"Hey Dan!" She pulled me in for a hug, which I returned. "Ooo, presents go over by the cake, then come on! You gotta do the bouncy castle!" She drug me over to the present table where we dropped my gift. and then she drug me over to the bouncy castle.

"Hey!" Someone shouted rather loudly. Erica rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"Dan, this is my cousin Jimmy, Jimmy, this is Dan." Erica continued bouncing but her anger at Jimmy's presence was palpable.

"Ooooo, is he your boooyyfriend!" Jimmy teased, pointing at me and laughing.

"Yes, he is a boy and he is my friend."

"That's not what a boyfriend is, you idiot."

"Then what is it?" Jimmy looked pleased that he knew something we didn't.

"it's like mommies and daddies, before they become mommies and daddies, they like kiss and stuff."

Erica and I took one look at each other and screamed, "EWWWW!" Jimmy grinned menacingly at us, and I was no longer Erica's boyfriend.

We spent the day running around and causing trouble, and by the time night fell, Erica was inside with her girl-friends playing dress up and Jimmy and I were seated under the snake table, stealing cake when no one was watching.

"So...how do you know so much?" I asked, licking frosting off my grummy fingers.

"'bout what?" He questioned, repeating my actions.

"Boyfriends."

"Mmmm, don't tell Erica, but I made the same mistake you did. My friend Jake and I called each other boyfriends, my brother found out and cleared it up for us, after laughing for like a trillion years." I giggled at him as he crawled out from under the table momentarily, coming back with a handful of pretzels.

"But, can't you have a boyfriend? Like, can boys have boyfriends?" Jimmy screwed up his nose, whether in disgust or thought I could not tell.

"I mean, I guess, maybe. My cousin Jessica had a girlfriend, so I guess anythings' possible." I nodded at him and snatched a bag of Doritos.

"Why? You want a boyfriend?" He asked through a mouthful, I shrugged at him, stuffing my face with nacho cheese Doritos. Jimmy stopped eating and suddenly looked thoughtful.

"I'll be your boyfriend."

"Really?"

"Yeah, but your secret boyfriend, as in don't tell Erica." I nodded at him, stretching my pinkie out.

"Deal." He took my pinkie and repeated,

"Deal."

 

* * *

Dan, age 13:

 

Erica and I had grown apart since we got into middle school, but she was in my class this year and invited me to her birthday.

Jeanine was fighting with my parents, she'll be a senior in high school the next year and she wants to go to college in America, they aren't so happy about that.

"Jeanine, you can't go, you can't leave me here." She just ruffled my hair and smiled at me.

"You understand this is a good opportunity for me. Plus, you're thirteen now, you'll be fine. Hell, you'll be fourteen by the time I leave, so you'll be even better. Don't fret, little brother.

 

Erica's party was pretty lame, mostly because when we were kids she like hot wheels cars and mud, and now all she does is makeup with her friends.

"Dan's such a weirdo, why'd you invite him?"

"He was in my class."

"Didn't you date him for like, three years?"

"Shut up, Bethany, no we didn't!"

Erica's friend Shelly had grown boobs in this last school year, and now all the boys hang around her and ogle, she doesn't mind the attention, though she pays more attention to Erica than she does them.

"Derick Masters so has a thing for you! You're so lucky."

 

Sometime I had had enough of them and found myself hiding under the cake table, playing Mario kart on my DS.

I was still under the table when the cake was cut, so I had to turn down the volume and pray I wouldn't be found.

The sheet covering the table blew a lot in the wind, and I was so focused on my game, I didn't notice when someone slid in.

"Hey!"

"Jesus Christ!" I jumped, hitting my head off the table and dropping my DS, losing the game in the process.

"Jesus, sorry man. I didn't know you'd be under here. This is my hiding spot." I studied this boy, this boy who...oh my god.

"Jimmy? Erica's cousin Jimmy?" He ran a hand through his curly blonde hair and smirked at me and fuck, thirteen-year-olds and their hormones.

"In the flesh, Dan."

"You remember me? That was like five years ago!"

"Yeah, well, I always hide under here because my mom makes me come and I hate Erica, and seeing you kind of brought back those memories." He frowned at me, looking at me up and down, "You haven't been here."

"No, Erica and I kind of lost touch, but I was in her class this year so she invited me. Our moms are friends too, so here I am." He nodded at me,

"You aren't missing much. Erica isn't that interesting, well, except they're playing truth or dare and she's been kissing some Justin Bieber look alike for like ten minutes." He rolled his eyes and I smiled at him.

"What were you playing?"

"Mario kart."

"Nice." We sat in silence for a little while, it seemed rude to get back on my game, so I just sat there and stared around, not much scenery under a table. His eyes were light brown, sort of like brown sugar, and his face was freckly but clear. Aging has done wonders for him.

"Hey, so, aren't you technically my boyfriend?" I blurted, regretting it right after. His soft, pink lips turned into a half-grin.

"You remembered, good job." I nodded at him. "Remember when I had to tell you what that meant?"

I blushed, face-palming, "Ugh! Don't remind me!" The party seemed to quiet down somehow, there was still talking but it was more distant.

"You're still technically my boyfriend, though. A shitty one you've been." My eyes widened for a moment before I burst into laughter.

"I apologize, in my defense you go to a different school."

"This is the longest relationship I've ever been in."

I scoffed dramatically, placing a hand on my chest as if I was hurt, "Have you been cheating on me?!" He nodded and laughed and I pretended to cry, before starting to laugh myself.

"Right then, and how do I win you back?"

He placed a single finger on his chin, tapping a few times, "A kiss would do." And suddenly everything was serious and he wasn't laughing so he wasn't joking. There was a pit in my stomach the size of the Grand Canyon.

"May-maybe that can be arranged." I stuttered slightly, so not sexy. I've never kissed anyone before, and suddenly there was that feeling in the air, that feeling that says anything can happen.

Jimmy shuffled forward a bit and I remembered our short time together as uneducated eight-year-olds.

So I leaned forward, and then he leaned forward, and then he closed his eyes so I did the same and our lips brushed. And I didn't know if I should've pulled away or not, so I didn't and he moved his lips slightly, and then the world got loud again.

"Ha! I got it on camera!" I opened my eyes to see Erica's camera phone peeping through a small crack. She laughed and ripped off the table cloth, and then Jimmy and I were chasing her.

"Erica! Erica no!" Erica ran straight up to her room, her friends on her tail.

"I'm so posting this on facebook! It's going to viral! I'm going to be famous!" She slammed her bedroom door and Jimmy and I threw ourselves against it, and then it was too late.

 

 

"Dan, honey, do you want to talk about it?" As soon as Erica put it up, Jeanine saw it and called mom to tell her to watch it, and then everyone from our school saw it because Erica is fucking popular, and guys started calling me names.

I was curled up in the backseat, crying my eyes out. As soon as mom saw it, Jimmy's mom saw it and then Jimmy was dragged off too. Mom was crying too, she always gets upset when I get upset, and dad was in the backseat rubbing my back, trying to comfort me.

"Dan, is there anything I can do? They're going to take the video down, it'll be alright."

I tried to cough out that it was too late, because it was. Thankfully I wouldn't have to deal with it until the start of eighth grade, but bigger fish.

"I'm going to get us some ice cream, I'll just be moment." Mom pulled over and came back with four tubs of cookie dough ice cream and started driving again, and I didn't let up.

 

I heard mom yelling at Erica's mom on the phone later that night, and I wondered how Jimmy was doing.

 

* * *

Dan, age 14:

 

It was two AM, and Jeanine woke me up, her tears hitting my face woke me more than her shaking did.

"Jeanie? What's wrong? We have school tomorrow." And she just stared at me for a moment, maybe she wanted to give me a moment before my entire world fell apart.

"Dad got called to the police station earlier, and he just told me to get down there and that-that mom is gone."

"Gone? Where did she go?"  
"No, Dan. She's gone." She swallowed thickly before saying it, "She's dead, Dan. Mom is dead."

 

After that I don't remember anything until her funeral, which was three days later. Jeanine informed me they caught the stabber the same night and he was in custody.

"Claire Howell was a good soul..." What these people had to say meant nothing to me, and I had nothing to say. She wasn't just a "good soul," The women was a fucking saint. She did whatever she could to help whoever she could, and she didn't stop until dad had to pry her away. It killed her that she couldn't save the world.

"You can't save the world, just save as many people as you can." She whispered to me one night. Dad always feared I'd pick up her superhero tendencies. She'd be disappointed in me now,

The leaves were changing, but everything looked brown. Dad stopped a liquor store on the way home and Jeanine said nothing but bought a bottle of tequila as well. Perks of being eighteen. 

We got drunk that night. Not loud drunk or sad drunk, just silent drunk. Dad was more loud, but that's okay, silence is terrifying.

 

Dad got drunk every night, and then he wasn't dad anymore. Paul started throwing things. Pictures of mom mostly. He was angry because Jeanine looked like her. Jeanine started going out more. But when she was home, she spent the night in my bed, holding me as dad broke something else. All the happy memories I had of this place got eaten away, like bleach on black clothes. Everything was stripped of color.

"It'll be okay." Jeanine would mumble to me. But days she would say none of this was going to end well. She stopped coming home, only when she needed something. He started to get angry at me because I had her eyes, but he was never physical with me.

Jeanine wasn't home, so I took the call. Quarter to midnight in January.

"Hello?"

"Son, is your mother there."

"No."

"When will she be available?"

"Never."

"Where is she."

"Dead."

"I apologize, do you have any other adult."

"My dad, but he's not here." The man on the other end of the line sighed loudly.

"I'm sorry, but you're going to have to come to the police station." I knew right then, and I called Jeanine on the way, I wondered how she'd been. When mom died she had to tell me, and when dad died I had to tell her.

My hair had gotten long and my clothes looser, I looked like a street kid.

"Yes, that's him."

"You're sure?"

"Yes."

 

Dad's funeral was a lot louder, because now I'd be going home to an empty house. I got news the day after dad died that I'd be going to America.

"I'm not going." Jeanine stated simply, with the social worker right there.

"You have to."

"No I don't, I'm eighteen. I don't have to do anything."

"She's right. You are free to do whatever you want, I cannot make you come to America." The social worker stood there, looking bored at the display.

"Then I'm not going either. You're eighteen, I'm staying with you."

"Dan, I'm-"

"In the event of this happening, your legal guardian becomes Ruth Bell of New York, New York. Jeanine is eighteen, she doesn't have to go. You're fourteen, you have to go."

"But-"

"Dan, I'm going into the military."

"What?"

"Yeah, you can't stay with me. As soon as I graduate I'm being sent off."

"Jeanine! What! You can't!"

She smiled sadly at me, "save as many as you can, right?"

 

 

Ruth greeted me at the airport by complaining about the cold weather, and how she hasn't had a smoke in weeks. I had never met this women before, but here she was, I was already taller than her, and I couldn't help but think how wrong the whole situation is. My parents never got to cry at my graduation. I didn't even get to go to Jeanine's.

"Alright, I'm Aunt Ruth. Welcome to America, blah blah blah."

 

* * *

 

Dan, age 16:

 

"Hey there," a tall blonde girl greeted.

"Hey."

"I'm Alexandra."

"Dan." I was completely uninterested in everything. In her, and unamused that she appeared to be my lab partner. In my time in America, lots of girls have tried to "get with the hot guy with the British accent" and then get annoyed at my personality.

 

After school we were making out in her car, it's not like I ignore them completely. I'm sixteen for god sake.

"Mmmm, hey, you know what would make this even better?"

"I can think of a few things."

She crawled off me and ripped open her glove box, showing off a bag of weed.

"Yes, that would make it much better."

 

 

"God I need money." Alexandra and I were a thing now I guess, she was more than a pretty face, but not everything I ever wanted.

"Listen, I am so fucking sick of you complaining about that, jesus, here." She handed me her cigarette before rifling through her purse. I took a quick drag, still not understanding the appeal.

"okay, I just texted Luke, he says you can sell for him, okay? Just pot, sell it to the underclassmen or something, give me the profits, I'll give you your share." I sighed loudly, flicking my soul-sucker.

"Fine."

 

* * *

Dan, age 19:

 

"Thank you for submitting your novel, Mr. Howell. I am pleased to say we are publishing it. I'm looking forward to more of your work in the future."

 

 

* * *

 

Dan, age 21:

 

 _"Card declined."_ The machine sang out loudly.

"Jesus, okay! Do you have to be so loud?" Here I was, just trying to buy a bloody metro card. Now I'm going to have to walk.

 

"Hey there, I can't help but over hear you've got some money issues." A man in his early forties approached me, salt and pepper hair and a charming smile.

"Yeah, I guess." I should've just walked away, you shouldn't talk to random people, even as an adult.

"Yeah, that's rough. I may have a solution for you, and well, your cute little ass of yours." Five years ago I would've said that I never would sell my body, but these days, well, desperation does something to you. Besides, this is the third time I've been late to work. They're so going to fire me.

 

Three hours later I was in  a small apartment, toys littered everywhere and a selection of bondage toys on the wall. A little out of my area.

"Here is how this will work, kitten. I'll feed you and dress you, basically take care of you. And when I'm here, I have sex with you, any way I want. When I'm not here you can do whatever you want in the apartment. No going out without me. Understand?" God, this is not something I'd agree to, never, not in a million years, but here I was nodding at him, and his blue eyes lit up.

"Good boy, to you, I am only Daddy, do you understand?"

"Yes daddy."

"Good, go change. I'll buy you proper fitting clothes some other time. For now, the skirt and the collar is just fine."

 

* * *

Dan, age 22:

 

"Daddy!" I moaned, rolling my hips on his unimpressive dick. My kitten ears were falling off my head, but whenever I slowed down he spanked me.

"Come on, baby. Faster." He wasn't doing much of the work himself, I was just sitting on him and moving, it didn't really feel good, but then again that was nothing new.

"I'm almost there, kitten, come on."

 

"A HA!" And just like that everything came crashing down, I got off of him a little too fast as his wife burst into the room, looking ready to stab us both. "You've been cheating on me with that slut-" Her eyes slid over to me, and then my naked form and her eyes widened. My kitten ears fell off again, I started to put on pants, feeling like this wasn't going to end well.

"That's a man! You're cheating on me with a fucking man! This is because I wouldn't call you daddy? Or let you do anything-" Her eyes raked the room, the collars and whips on the walls, she started nodded.

"You're sick! Jesus, how old is this boy? Did he go after you because you're broke? Is that why you're doing this." I nodded at her, looking ashamed.

"Right, okay, get dressed. I'll drive you somewhere."

"Do you have somewhere to go?" I nodded at her, even though I hadn't been to Ruth's in over a year.

"Okay, get dressed."

 

She stopped in front of Ruth's building, still not crying.

"You're mom, does she know?"

"Not my mom, this is my aunts place."

"Where are your parents?"

"Back in England." Not a lie. She nodded at me,

"Okay, good luck."

"I'm so sorry-"

"Shut up, get out." So I did, understanding her anger completely.

 

Now what am I going to do?

 

 

* * *

 

now

 

 

I woke up in  a cold sweat, Phil turned over beside me, my face was wet, crying, yeah, I had been crying. Life is a lot. Those dreams were really detailed. Fuck.

 

My wedding room flashed in the moonlight. Okay, everything's alright. I laid down, pressing my body against Phil's.

 

Is saving as many people as you can okay if you can only save yourself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is long, fuck. I didn't mean it to be this long. I just really wanted to do this. Like I said, tell me if you hate it and definitely don't want one about Phil's past.


	21. Phil's Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter no one asked for but I'm giving it to you anyway. Basically I didn't go to school today and I really wanted to write this. We don't know a lot about Phil's life, so that is what this is for. The chapter the mystery died. Or did it?????

Phil, age 5:

"Alright, son, you know where you're going?"

"Yes, dad."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes dad!"

"Be safe, call me if you need to, and Damon is going to be there to, posing as an aid, alright?"

"Yes, can I go now?" Damon was my dad's head of security, I heard them arguing that he should stay to protect my dad, but dad said that I was more important. Other moms were crying sending there kids off to their first day. Dad was quiet.

"Okay, little soldier, be safe, learn tons. You're already brilliant so I have no doubt that you will." Dad lifted me up suddenly and placed a giant wet kiss on my cheek, I shrieked in laughter.

"Okay, okay! Dad, I'm gonna be late!" He grinned and placed me back on the ground.

"Be safe, you know the drill, Damon." His voice grew serious all of a sudden.

Damon followed close behind me as I made my way to Mr. Warner's room. We agreed he wasn't there for me, that the kids wouldn't know he was. He'd pose as an aid and that would be that. Dad had to go through the school board just to make Damon even aloud in the building.

Mr. Warner greeted me at the door, tight-lipped smiles, bald spot in the graying hair.

"Hello, and you are?"

"Phillip Lester." Mr. Warner's eyes darkened for a second and then he noticed Damon behind me.

"And you must be our aid, Mr. Winters."

"You can all just call me Damon."

"No we can't." Damon nodded awkwardly,

"Okay."

There was an awkward beat of silence.

"Phillip, your seat is in the front of the room by my desk."

"Please just call me Phil."

"No."

 

I reluctantly slid into my seat, wishing I was near the windows. I could already tell school is a bunch of bullshit. Even if I don't really know what that means, it seemed appropriate.

"Hey, man." There was a short Asian kid sitting next to me, all smiles, "I'm Teddy. This is Brent."

"I'm Phil." Teddy nodded and muttered cool. Brent just nodded, brushing his blonde hair out of his eyes.

"Alright class, you will soon realize I am a no-nonsense teacher. I am here to teach you, not to entertain you. You will remain quiet and respectful, like good children. Understand?"

"Man, this already blows." Brent announced, causing everyone to giggle. Mr. Warner narrowed his eyes at Brent.

"Wow, this is going to be an interesting year."

 

* * *

 

Phil, age 9:

 

"I totally kissed Amee Baker at Vicky's birthday party." Brent claimed as we pushed our bikes up a big hill. Damon was in a car at the bottom of the hill and Wendy was in a car at the top. In the last four years neither Brent nor Teddy has noticed them.

"No you did not." Teddy growled at him. Brent always seems to kiss Amee Baker when we aren't around. Amee Baker is a fourth grader, and has no time for kids like us.

"I so did, she tasted like strawberries!" Brent insisted as we reached the top of the hill.

"How can someone taste like something?" I had forgotten that I was wearing a wire, and Wendy and Damon were probably giggling, and they probably sent it to my dad.

"It's a thing, my brother once said that his girlfriend tasted so good. He didn't tell me, but I overheard it." Teddy added, we all nodded, because Teddy's fourteen-year-old brother was like the coolest kid in school.

"I wonder how I taste?" I questioned aloud Brent and Teddy both shrugged.

"Probably not as good as Amanda Wheeler!" Brent yelled as he started peddling down the hill.

"I thought it was Amee Baker." We screamed after him, as we to started peddling after him.

"I kissed both!"

"Phil probably tastes like dirt compared to her!" He exclaimed sometime after as we reached the bottom of the hill.

"Nuh uh!" I responded intelligently.

"Then prove it." Teddy commanded. There was a moment of _"oh shit"_ silence, but then I started laughing,

"Piss off." And then we started pushing our bikes up the hill again.

 

* * *

Phil, age 14:

 

We skipped class so Teddy could smoke outside. Damon was probably running around frantically looking for me, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

Teddy dyed the top of his hair pink after he started spiking it with gel. He wore more black and weird leather hands on his wrists, his nails were also painted black, along with his eyeliner and eyeshadow.

Brent was making out with Jackie Bolder on the brick wall Teddy was smoking against, and I was just standing there, picking at my dark blue nail polish. Teddy painted it while I was asleep during study hall yesterday, again, I couldn't bring myself to care.

"Want a smoke?" Teddy asked as he handed me the box of cigarettes I shook my head and he placed them in the waistband of his loose grey jeans, that now had more chains than holes on them.

"Yo dude, what's up with you today? You've been so weird." The truth was, two weeks ago Teddy announced he was bisexual, causing me to go into a sexuality spiral. It didn't help that I've never had a crush on anyone.

"Just one of those days, you know man?" Teddy nodded and handed me his cigarette, I took a drag this time.

"Yeah, been having a lot of those myself lately." I nodded at him and handed the smoke back to him. Brent and Jackie ran down the wall and turned a corner, probably looking for more privacy. Stupid, because this is the only area without cameras.

"Yo dude, check this out." He pulled his smashed phone out of his pocket, flipping through the photos before he stopped at a video. "Watch this shit."

The video was of two girls, one of them was smoking and the other was just standing there, the smoking girl took a long drag, and then the other girl moved on her, kissing her before she had the chance to release the smoke. After a few more moments they pulled apart, and the other girl breathed all of the smoking girl's smoke out. Teddy shoved his phone back in his pocket.

"I really wanna try that."

"That's cool man, who you wanna try that with?" He dropped his cigarette and lit up another one, taking a long drag,

"I don't know, no one is really interested in me. It doesn't even have to be romantic, I just want to try it."

I shrugged at him, "Nah man, you're a catch, someone will want to do that shit with you. What about one of the emo girls, Jess-Raven." I forgot Jessica wants people to call her Raven now, she beat up someone who called her Jessica.

"Nah, she's lame, and really uptight." I nodded at him and picked at my thumb.

"Yo, will you do it with me?" I started laughing, thinking he was joking. He knows I've never even kissed anyone before. "You don't have to, it doesn't have to be gay, just an experiment. I just wanna try it."

_It doesn't have to be gay, just an experiment._ It's literally two dudes making out, that's pretty gay. The thought didn't disgust me though, and I'm a good friend,

"Yeah, sure, whatever." I tried to sound bored and indifferent, but I'm pretty sure Teddy saw right through that.

Teddy didn't waste any time, taking a hit and locking the smoke in there, he motioned vigorously for me to come forward. So I did, kissing his pursed lips.

He let the smoke go, but it didn't work, it flew out around us, but then we were kissing anyway. Neither of us were pulling away, and I didn't _want_ to pull away. He opened his mouth, effectively deepening it. And then he had me pressed up against the wall. The school bell rang but we were still kissing. Brent and Jackie ran past us at one point, Brent yelled that he knew we'd make out, but neither of us paid any mind. Until-

"Phil! Jesus Christ I've been looking everywhere for you." He nodded at Teddy, who was still pressed against me. Teddy finally took the hint and back off. "Come on, your father is worried sick."

"You told my father?!"

"Yes, and you're going to have to explain what you were doing. Do you need a ride home, Teddy?"

"No-no my sister is picking me up." Damon nodded and drug me off, my face hot and my pants embarrassingly tight. Brent and Teddy knew Damon was bodyguard by now, they just didn't know why. Neither of them pushed even though I knew they wanted to.

 

Dad was pacing in the lounge. Whenever he has a big meeting or important dinner or something he paces and says his speech to himself a million times. It must work, because I haven't heard him stutter a day in my life.

"Phil! Goddammit!" I expected him to start yelling, because I know Damon told him every detail in the car. If he could he wouldn't, but he had to. Dad has this uncanny ability to know when someone is lying. It's terrifying. "don't you ever run off again! You know you cant do that! You know things with the Smith's have been escalating-"

"No, I know dad. I'm sorry. Teddy and Brent were skipping and I wanted to too. I'm sorry."

"Goddammit, Phil. I don't care you skipped class. You'll get detention for that, schools bullshit anyway. I care you didn't take Damon with you! That was a stupid move." I nodded at him, I always hated it when he was disappointed in me.

"I won't do it again, I promise, I'm so sorry." Dad nodded at me and hugged me again.

"Okay, okay, now what's this I hear about you and Teddy?" I froze, I never knew how he felt about gays.

"Nothing."

He smirked at me, "Is he your boyyfrriiend?" He teased I rolled my eyes and started heading towards my room.

"No."

"Phil's got a boyfriend, Phil's got a boyfriend..." dad teased.

 

* * *

Phil, age 15:

 

"We're leaving in four days." I told them, holding Teddy's hand. We weren't boyfriends, but we held hands a lot and didn't talk about it.

"You can't leave, we've been friends for like a decade!"

"One, absolutely rad decade." Brent added sadly, he uses surfer lingo now.  

If I had a choice in the matter then I would fight for it forever. Dad doesn't want to leave either, Mom and Haylee are buried here. But the Smith's are bigger and more powerful than us, there is no room to grow and they have been threatening us like crazy. Me specifically. Pictures of me out with friends, just to show they know who I am. Dad isn't having it.

"I don't have a choice. I'll be graduating high school in America." Teddy looked at me sadly, tears in his eyes. I know what he wanted to ask, but I didn't have the answer for him.

 

 

Teddy walked through the airport as far as it would let him. Dad only took a handful of people with him, knowing that if he took too many it would be suspicious. Teddy held my hand again. He had stopped wearing "emo" things when he turned fifteen, and now he was just wearing an orange t-shirt and jeans. He still wore eyeliner though, I told him it's cute once.

Everyone but dad and Damon went through, because I still hadn't said goodbye to Teddy.

"Don't cry, alright? I'm not worth it." I mumbled to him, brushing away his tears. We never called each other boyfriends, but I'm pretty sure that's what we were, and I'm pretty sure I loved him.

"Phil, I-"

"I know, okay? I feel the same."

"We wasted so much time..."

"I know, sweetie, I know. It's going to be alright though." He nodded at me, I could tell he was doing all he could to keep from sobbing.

"Make sure Brent doesn't do anything too destructive." Brent recently took up painting, by throwing it on the walls of his bedroom.

"Impossible." We both laughed and they gave a boarding call for our flight.

"Can I..." I nodded at him and he kissed me softly.

"Phil..." My dad mumbled, and that's when I felt my heart break. I pulled away from him and squeezed his hand one final time before heading through the gate.

 

* * *

 

Phil, age 17:

 

"Phil, we have to talk." Dad had just gotten off the phone with his chefs, he looked more stressed than I had ever seen him.

"What is it, dad?"

"You plan on taking this company over, correct?" I nodded without hesitation. In America, we've been doing a lot better. There is a lot more junkies here.

"The Cassidy's have been threatening, really bad. You have to understand. You need to help me with all of this. They recently killed one of the chef's wives, and then three of them quit. I just-need some help with all of this." I nodded at him and slid into the chair next to him.

"Chefs are hard to come by. Thank god we have Ed. I'm going to show you how to get workers."

 

* * *

Phil, age 18:

"Dad you missed my graduation! Angela's here, can we go to her place for her graduation party?" I yelled down the hallway, Damon right on my tail. "Dad?" I walked into his study, the one room no one is aloud in except him. And me, on special occasions.

"Dad?" I walked slowly in front of his chair, I knew he was in. I could see his arm on the armrest. "Dad!" I dropped to the floor in front of him, he was slumped over, a broken glass on the floor. "Dad! Wake up!"

 

 

That's the night Angela learned what it is he does. He did. That's the night Angela learned why I didn't apply to college. That's the night Angela said to hell with the community college she got into. That's the night I became the CEO of a million dollar company, and that's the night I had to say goodbye to my dad.

 

* * *

Phil, age 19:

It was my company, but Angela helped run it. People were taken aback by the news of my father's passing. They were reluctant to let me run it, but Damon spoke on my behalf. In no time at all, the company was thriving. I was better at running it than my dad in a few months. I also threw myself into my work, hiring people and organizing things. Everything fell into place.

I turned my dad's building into apartments for our workers, and soon enough I could pay them more and more. Angela eventually took over the hiring process, and I stuck with managing everything. Ed was still a crazy scientist and Damon still stood at my right hand, along with Angela, even if we had grown apart after my father died.

I was sitting in my office, Angela at my side, crumpling up papers I didn't need and tossing them into the wastepaper basket.

"Money!" Angela exclaimed as it bounced off the rim and landed next to the other failed attempts.

 

"Sir!" Damon yelled, bursting into my office. Which no one is aloud to do.

"What is it?"

"There's been a break in at the docks, your presence is requested."

"But is it needed?" Damon's eyes were wide and frantic, unlike I've ever seen him before. He nodded at me. I put my pen down lightly and Angela threw one final paper in the basket, actually making it in.

My hair was still longish and emo, but I wore a suit and acted professionally nevertheless.

 

Angela had a fur coat that she was absolutely in love with. We looked like a young married couple. Here we were, 19-year-old drug lords. Angela's mom thinks that this is a chair company that I took over. She'd be so proud to find out the truth. Her hair was dyed a dark brown right now, her now ex-girlfriend said she liked it better when Angela wore it blonde, so now she wears it brown.

We arrived at the docks shortly, thanking our driver for being punctual. He sped off to be a traffic hazard somewhere else.

"Sir." A young guard greeted, shaking a little, "Right this way." Our men had guns and they were surrounding Angela and I, a bit excessive, I couldn't help but think.

 

That was until I saw the body on the floor.

A young warehouse worker was laying dead, I felt sick. In this business people die. That's how it works, but this is the first time I'd seen it.

"Stephanie Rey, 22, single, no kids, no parents, warehouse worker two years." Her curly black hair spread across the concrete, it seemed to be everywhere, along with her blood.

"Anything stolen?"

"No sir, we shot one of them and they retreated. We think Stephanie saw them as they were trying to enter and they shot her, on bullet to the chest. She bled out."

"Yes, and where was everyone else?" They looked momentarily stunned, but stuttered out their response.

"I-I don't-don't kn-know, sir." I nodded at him and looked at Stephanie, my father employed her, I never had a conversation with her, but I had seen her around before.

"You know what to do, take care of her-"

"FUCK!" Someone screamed, and hit the floor,

"Get them out of here!" Gun shots, Angela ran for cover and I was ushered towards the door, and suddenly more unknown men ran through, shooting at anyone they could find.

"This way!" Damon drug me by the arm behind some barrels, and he started shooting at them. He got two, headshots, they were all wearing bullet proof vests, but Damon is a damn good shot. The severity of the situation set in and I realized the probability of me making it out of here alive was low.

"That way, I'll keep you covered." Damon yelled over the gunfire, pointing down the line of barrels towards the sea, that is without a doubt freezing cold, but probably my only way out.

"What about Angela?"

"She's alright! Jackson has her, just go!" I started running, keeping my awkward body low, Damon ran next to me, shooting anyone who shot at me. The room smelled like blood and fear and power, and I knew who it was.

"Hold your fire!" They stopped shooting, and I was knelt down by the opening to the sea, its where boats are suppose to dock but we don't have any boats. They may be at both ladders, I could die here or out there. But it is my only chance. I hesitated.

That's when I saw him, Steven Cassidy made his way into the building, armed men on both sides. My men could shoot him dead right now, and I didn't understand why they didn't. That's when I realized, they were waiting for my command, they were my troops after all. I could see Angela across the room, about to jump into the sea herself, we locked eyes for a second. She lost her fur coat somewhere along the way.

"Started the party without me? Come on, Mr. Lester, let's play." I didn't stand up, I realized I may have seemed cowardly, but it wasn't just my life I was trying to preserve.

"Acting shy? What about your pretty pretty girlfriend? Maybe she wants to play." He started walking towards Angela, and without thinking I stood up.

"Ah, I knew that would get you to stand. First mistake, having feelings." I made my way to him, he waved off his men, but Damon followed me up to him. Damon is more than a bodyguard, after all this time, he is my friend, my brother.

"You're easier to get to than your daddy, but he's not here is he?" Dad always warned me that Steven Cassidy was a manipulative brat, his words exactly. Dad compared him to how Brent acted in Kindergarten.

"What do you want?"

"I have what I want, war. I love a little drama every now and then. And you're still a teenager, they're so dramatic." I almost rolled my eyes at him.

"Well then, we'll continue this war, leave my building." Steven made a point of looking around, taking in the tons and tons of cocaine.

"No no no, silly ant, this is me winning the war." I saw Damon grip his gun a bit tighter, Steven Cassidy didn't seem to notice. He started to walk around, going up to bags and sniffing it dramatically.

"Don't kill him," I whispered down to Damon, "But take him down." Damon breathed deeply at his order and he nodded. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Angela start to climb down the ladder, with Jackson helping her. I breathed a sigh of relief. If I wouldn't make it out of here, than at least she would. She could go to England, she said she always wanted to visit. I always told her if something happens to me, to go to my mother and sister's grave and let them know.

Steven stood in front of me again, "Alright boys, take it all." And then they started shooting at my workers. The warehouse workers didn't have bulletproof vests, and they went down quickly. Everything was loud again and my men surrounded me,

"Sir! We have to get you out of here now!"

"Damon, come on!" He looked at me sadly, and I widened my eyes. I saw Steven Cassidy's eyes go from cocky, to empty in a split second. Damon took a fallen machine gun and shot up and down Steven Cassidy's legs, it was horrifying. And then my guys were dragging me towards my escape, someone started shooting at me, but I watched as a bullet ripped through Damon's head, and he hit the ground. And suddenly I had no family left.

 

* * *

Phil, age 21:

 

"Come on, Phil, let me take you out. You only get one twenty-first birthday!" Angela pleaded with me, practically begging at my feet.

"No, no. I'm busy. Go out with Dee or something, its her day off." I'm not busy, I just really don't want to go out and get drunk, its unprofessional first of all, and Damon always said he'd buy me my first drink.

"Fine, we're going to a gay bar, that was the surprise. Will you go now?"

I shook my head at her, I didn't feel like seeing a bunch of extremely fit men looking hot and chatting me up, not my scene. She frowned but said okay anyway and left. I told the guard to get out, and I pulled out a bottle of scotch.

 

* * *

Phil, age 25:

The store was small, and I went to it a lot, heading straight for the candy. I just wanted a fucking candy bar.

I stood in line behind a young women with a baby. It was extremely hot in the shop, he had a small fan going but it wasn't enough. The baby was crying, he only had a diaper on, her hair was up in a loose bun and she looked five kinds of ragged.

She was buying a king-sized kit kat and a container of baby food.

"That will be eight-seventy-five." The cashier stated, staring at the women impatiently.

"Uh, um..." I could see she only had five dollars in her hand, along with a coupon of some kind. She handed the coupon over to the man, he took one look at it and shook his head.

"No, we do not except these here."

"Come on! I need the baby food!"

"Eight-seventy-five."

"Fine, just the baby food." I heard her stomach growl loudly as she paid for the baby food, she bounced the baby but he was still crying.

"Come on, Isaac, give me a break!" She walked swiftly for the door before I called out to her,

"Wait!"

"What?"

"I-um-I don't usually do this but, do you need a job?" She eyed me up and down, her face pinched together in a confused but defensive manner.

"I'm not a prostitute."

"NO, that's, that's not what I was asking, just...here, take my card and call me if you need a job, alright?" She took my card, her face didn't change.

"What kind of job?"

"Sales." I mumbled, she nodded at me,

"Okay, okay, when can I start?"

"Today, I'm Mr. Lester."

"Cora Greenfield."

 

* * *

Phil, age 26:

 

"God dammit, its so fucking hard to find a chef. Why'd he quit?" I practically yelled at Angela through the phone.

"Don't scream at me, bitch. He quit because he is retiring in Texas with his wife." I groaned into the phone.

"I'm two blocks away, just...ugh. We'll figure something out."

We got stuck in traffic, something I'm not used to doing, especially with Nate driving. I stared out the tinted windows at a girl standing against a building. She had long and unkept blonde hair, and she was singing, but there was something strange about this particular homeless girl, she had a bird on her shoulder who was singing too.

"I'm going to get out here, Nate." He nodded at me and I got out and walked toward the girl. She had a small cup of change. This girl also had glasses and decent shoes, not homeless long or not actually homeless.

"How old are you?" I asked, trying to sound concerned and not creepy.

"Eighteen." She responded, the bird stopped singing when she did, she smiled at him and pet him.

I looked her up and down, "Can you cook?"

"No. No, I turn everything into an experiment, chemistry was my game. Was." She muttered sadly. I couldn't believe my luck.

"What would you say if I had a job for you."

"Honestly? I'd take it without question. I'm kind of desperate."

"Good, I have a job for you. Follow me."

"I'm Clementine." She offered, she didn't seem at all suspicious, hope lined her voice.

"Mr. Lester."

* * *

Phil, age 27:

"Hey, hey stop here." Nate pulled over and let me out. There was a boy, who was dressed in rags and crying to someone on the phone. He was taller than me and his coat had holes throughout it and his jeans and shoes did too. It's winter for god sake.

I followed this boy into the store, and listening to his conversation to someone on the phone, his boss maybe? He was begging to sell for her again. He suddenly snapped his phone shut, and looked like he was about to start sobbing.

He was handsome, more handsome than anyone I'd ever seen, and he was hurting, that was obvious. Handsome and young, and nearing rock bottom. He looked like he was about to have a breakdown in the middle of the candy aisle, and that broke my heart.

And when he took my card, or fingers brushed and sparks went through my body, but he didn't say he'd come back with me. Maybe full of pride or maybe not as desperate as I assumed, I left him there, letting the mystery wash over him.

 

 

* * *

 

Phil, now:

It was nearing daylight, my beautiful fiancé was pressed up against my bare back, I grabbed his hand that was resting on my chest and smiled. Moonlight shone through the blinds, making the diamond sparkle. I had never felt so full, so content, I have everything I've ever wanted. The past is the past, and I'm so grateful I get to spend the future with him.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time can never break your heart but it can take the pain away  
> -p!atd


	22. We Can Talk About the Juices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The time has skipped ahead a bit to nearly Christmas.

When I was a child I loved Christmas. I loved my parents and how they were always disgustingly under the mistletoe, and Jeanine, who drifted closer to all of us for those few weeks. I loved decorating the tree, because my mother despised themes and always hung everything up randomly, which annoyed my dad, who loved order and neatness. They finally settled and decided my mom could have her quirky tree and dad would line the house with Christmas symmetry.

As I got older, as you imagine, Christmas didn't have much of a meaning anymore. After the accident, I lost any hopes at religion, and all the memories cut through my once festive soul like a knife.

Ruth had a tiny tree on a tiny table in the living room, because her apartment was too small for anything big. She wasn't big on the holiday either, so we both grumbled like Grinches through the entire affair. Our mutual dislike for the holiday was actually our first bonding session.

I didn't know Phil's take on the holiday, he didn't seem that into any holidays at all, but Christmas is a little different for everyone. Normally, I'd just sleep all day like the past few, but this year, Jeanine has informed us that she is coming home, and since I may never see her again, it seemed like a good year to emerge from my holiday slump.

I told Phil about Jeanine and he was extremely happy for me, and he said he'd happily go with me.

It's overwhelming, I haven't spoke in person with Jeanine in ten years, she's so much older now. _I'm_ so much older now, what will she even say. We weren't the closest of siblings, that's for sure. She has five years on me, and that does a lot to growing kids. For a few years I think she resented me, because I was the baby and they paid more attention to me.

In the end, when dad went over the deep end, she was there. I don't exactly know why, it's not like I had ever done anything to get her to like me, but she was there.

Until she wasn't, and I was sent to another country with a relative I didn't know. I had gotten over that though, she saved her own ass, she is a survivor. I'm not so lucky.

She didn't know my deep dark secrets. That year I spent with John we didn't even speak, and our first call after that was extremely awkward, and I still didn't tell her why I had been MIA.

She doesn't know what I do for a living, or who my fiancé is, she doesn't even know who _I_ am. She's only coming because Ruth told her I'm engaged. When Ruth told her that, Jeanine responded,

"Who is she?" So clearly she doesn't remember the gay thing, and why should she, it was pre-turnover for us. Turnover is what we call what happened with dad, because he became a completely different person. Ruth didn't tell her who it is, at all, as in, Ruth didn't tell her the gay thing.

"I just think you should be the one to tell her, she's your sister and he is your fiancé." Her accent was particularly thick and loud, it happens when she's stressed. Along with never being to America, Jeanine has never met Ruth. She's only spoken to her over Skype or just calling. When I asked her why she is making such a big fuss over Jeanine, she replied,

"She's YOUR sister, doll face. I gotta make a good impression." I pointed out she didn't make such a big fuss when I moved there, but she just waved me off like I was a fly.

 

* * *

 

 

Phil and I were seated on Ruth's couch, spiked hot chocolate in hand, Phil always comes through. Ruth had left to pick Jeanine up from the airport basically as soon as Phil and I arrived. God, I love him and his good timing.

"I'm excited." Phil stated, smiling and sipping his hot chocolate. He looks fucking precious. I actually managed to get him out of a suit, so he put on an alien Christmas sweater and a scarf. I hid his contacts too, because I'm crazy and him in glasses makes me crazy.

"Why?" I laughed, he looked so loose and carefree. Ten years younger. I wonder what teenage Phil was like?

"Because I get to meet your sister! I bet she's lovely, I bet you both look like twins."

"Not twins." I never caught up to her in growth, seeing as how she left when I was fourteen. She always looked mature, and I was an awkward teenage boy. The only thing we had similar was brown hair and brown eyes, mom's traits. Neither of us managed to snatch up dad's green eyes, which we were both upset about.

"Twins, for sure."

"You've seen pictures of her!"

"Yeah, but that's not the same as real life! Plus-"

"Helloooo..." Ruth's voice dragged around the apartment, as she emerged from the corridor, cheeks red and hair-sprayed hair askew. My eyes darted behind her, and for a second I was terrified that Jeanine didn't make it, that she didn't come after all.

Then I saw the familiar mess of brown hair, still the same. Her curls were longer and more contained, but they were hers. I stood, taking Phil's hand, I pulled him up next to me.

"Danny! You're...wow." She took in my full form, eyes bulging. I grew a lot. A lot a lot. "You're-you're very tall."

"Nice to see you too, my short sister." She laughed and smacked my chest playfully, like we were old friends. I took in her face, finally not over shitty pixels. She had new wrinkles in between her eyebrows, a couple new freckles, and wrinkles around her mouth. Mom had them all too, she looked so much like mom.

"I am not short! I'm five-seven, I'm a giant!"

"You wish, big sister." The silence made me realize that Ruth and Phil were being extremely quiet, and staring, Ruth's eyes were wide, emotion spread across her face. I felt like crying right then, my sister, she's alive and well and standing in front of me.

"Jeanine this is my fiancé, Phil, Phil this is Jeanine." Phil shook with his free hand, and I had no doubt the grip was still firm and intimidating.

"You're tall too, bunch of giants 'round here." She glanced at Ruth a quickly flicked her gaze away. Ruth, in her five foot fury, was staring Jeanine down like a teacher who had just been sassed.

"It's lovely to meet you." Phil charmed, sincerity dripping from his northern accent. Jeanine seemed to notice this and looked momentarily shocked.

"Where are you from."

"England, originally, I moved here when I was a teenager." She nodded at him, with that look on her face that was saying she was thinking hard.

"Just like Dan, what a coincidence." Phil pursed his lips and nodded at her, Ruth took the perfect opportunity to jump in.

"Who wants to play cards?"

 

* * *

 

Ruth, of course, wanted to play poker. So we played one round and then she headed off for bed, eight 'o clock being way past her bedtime. We all started playing go fish.

Jeanine wanted to know everything, including what we did for a living, which Phil explained in a really well layered lie, it made me proud and a bit worried. Would he be able to lie like that to me halfway through our marriage?

Jeanine didn't want to talk about her time serving, so we jumped around the topic and she asked about how we got together.

"Is it scandalous?"

"Jeanine!" I shrieked, covering my blush with my cards.

"Kind of." Phil mumbled, organizing his pairs.

"I have to know!"

"Do you have any kings?" I asked, trying to veer the topic of discussion away from Phil and I's sex life. Because in the beginning we didn't do much but have sex.

"Go fish, now tell me!"

I remained silent and stared Phil down, hoping he would too.

She starred between us, finally deciding she had had enough. "Fine, if you don't tell me I'll tell Phil about the time mom caught you-"

"Okay, okay!" I didn't want her to finish that sentence, because mom caught me doing a lot of things I'm not proud of and I don't want any of them to scare away my fiancé.

"Now I want to know-"

"He flirted with me, I flirted back, he was my boss, there were rumors, we started having sex, then it was more than sex."

"That's all you have to tell me? Seriously? Get juicer."

"I mean we can talk about the juices-"

"PHIL!" I screeched, nearly falling out of my chair in horror. Jeanine just laughed, and that made me forget him. I had forgotten all about Jeanine's laugh and how ridiculous it is. It's like a seal choking on a hot dog, and it's one of my favorite sounds in the universe. Soon we were all laughing at Jeanine and thanks to that, I did fall out of my chair, causing us to laugh louder.

"GODDAMMIT, I'M AN OLD FUCKING LADY TRYING TO SLEEP, SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU UNGRATEFUL BRATS!" Ruth screamed so loud the entire building definitely heard, Jeanine looked frightened and even Phil's eyes were wide, but I was still giggling. I realized I was the only one there used to Ruth's antics, hell, probably the only one ever, and in that moment, sitting in Ruth's apartment with my sister and fiancé, I felt the Christmas spirit, which is by far the lamest thing I had ever thought. So I kept quiet and climbed back onto my chair, kissing Phil's cheek, we continued our game.  

 

 


	23. An Ominous Pit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've just been really busy. I plan on finishing this by the end of this month, hopefully.

After Christmas dinner at Ruth's, Jeanine came to our penthouse. It's still strange for me to call it ours, and Phil understood this and picked up on it instantly. He spent the entire night telling me how much I mean to him, and how what is his is also mine.

Jeanine's eyes widened as she entered the apartment. The building is relatively normal looking, but his-our penthouse shows his wealth.

"Jesus Christ," She mumbled under her breath as she gazed around, her eyes finally locked on me like I was a completely new person. She didn't know anything about my past, the last decade, she doesn't know how I spent my time, how I continued to live, she didn't understand what a shock this all was to me as well.

She pulled her cardigan around her and stood a little straighter, looking extremely self conscious and out of her element. We pretty much were all wearing pajamas, Phil was wearing jeans, which is as much as he'll dress-down around people that, well, aren't me.

She ran a hand through her hair and then looked at her palm in disgust, I could tell she thought she didn't belong here, but in truth, she belonged here more than I. Jeanine was always the mature one, the one that had their life together and had a plan, she wanted to be a pediatrician, not a solider. She always stood straight and held eye-contact and had a firmer handshake than me. She's the type to deserve all of this, not me.

"Welcome to our home," Phil smiled, he was comfortable with her, and that made me a thousand times more relaxed. Phil doesn't really warm up to people.

"Yeah, you're crashing here until you have to leave, you are not sleeping on Ruth's smoky couch." Despite the fact that Ruth claims she quit smoking, her entire apartment perpetually smelled of cigarette smoke, sometimes I think she smokes them in secret and then pretends to burn her dinner to cover it up.

"Yeah, we don't have a spare bedroom-"

"-So you can sleep on our clean couch." Jeanine laughed at us, we'd been literally finishing each others sentences recently, it's actually becoming sort of a problem.

"Thank you for having me, it's lovely, truly." We nodded at her and then stood their awkwardly, I had convinced Phil to turn off his phone for the day. Normally a mysterious call would fill the gaps, but today was just city noise.

"Well, um, can I take a shower?" I nodded at her quickly,

"Yeah, the bathroom is right down that hallway on the right." We never use that bathroom, we have an en suite and whenever I stayed the night Phil said I deserve the nice bathroom. Now it's pretty much where we store towels.

Another feature of our apartment, besides the fancy furniture and pictures of us, is a shit ton of nerd stuff, my contribution to the flat. Phil had some stuff, but after I was done it looked like a comic book threw up in there.

All of the bathroom towels were regular bath towels but with a superhero theme, Phil's. All of the soaps smelled like "Friday night fight," or just like captain America, mine.

 

* * *

 

 Phil changed into blue flannel pajamas, and when Jeanine came out of the shower he looked at himself up and down and blushed harder than I'd ever seen someone blush before, then he exited and put dark jeans back on.

"He's cute." Jeanine smiled at me as she awkwardly hung over the back of the sofa.

"Yeah, he is."

"Awwww, I never thought I'd see the day." I blushed,

"Shut up Jeanine." She did, because Phil walked back in, wearing jeans and one of my t-shirts, because he knows I'd yell at him if he put on a suit.

We spent most of the night watching movies, and Phil was being cuddly and adorable, and just perfect in everyway, and Jeanine ate it up.

We turned the tv off and Jeanine opened the curtains (because I couldn't just _move_ that'd be extremely rude) the city lights were beautiful at night, and we're so high up, it's like we're god looking down on all the humans and their "perfect" lives. I was at the top, even if I got here dishonestly.

"You're really going to marry him," she mumbled, I looked down at my ring and my heart jumped, every time I see it I get a burst of excitement.

"Yeah, I really am."

"When?"

"We're thinking May, on a beach somewhere close by, our honeymoon is going to be Japan, or Spain, we haven't decided."

"I don't think I can come."

"What?" I couldn't twist to make eye contact with her, she was seated by the window, looking down at everything, she couldn't even say it to my face.

"It's lucky I got out for Christmas, I have one more year of all of this, and then I'm going home, I'm moving to London, finally going to college, they pay for everything, I'm going to become and accountant."

"It's my wedding."

"I know, kid, I know." She didn't call me kid this whole time, and I suddenly felt very small again. But here I was 25 and engaged to the love of my life, I wasn't a kid anymore, and I couldn't have everything I wanted.

"I understand." I mumbled, because I did, and the last thing I wanted was to be difficult during this short period I get to see her.

"I'm so sorry, Dan. I really am." I know she turned and looked at me that time, but I couldn't look at her. I was about to cry,

"It's alright, It'll be recorded. And anyway, I'll be able to tell you all about it while we visit you in London." She let out a little sob and a tear of my own fell. I had an ominous pit in my stomach.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been a bit sad about this entire story. I had this idea and it seemed so good but it just didn't turn out the way that I hoped. I will finish it, though.


	24. We Kissed to the Sound of Gunfire

The official wedding planning began on New Years Day, and we decided we would become husbands on May 28th on a beach in Delaware.

We decided we'd still have bridesmaids, because we weren't sure if it would be weird, seeing as how we're two men. But we fitted Cora, Clementine, May, and Angela in light coral knee-high dresses and sandy flats, because you can't wear heels on a beach. Isaac would be the ring bearer, and Adam and May's twin five-year-old daughters would be the flower girls, because we couldn't just leave one of them out.

Everything was coming together perfectly, the weather was going to be warm and sunny, with a slight breeze, and everyone was coming, along with enough security for the president. Phil rented the entire beach and the pier for this, and I'm pretty sure there was a helicopter on the pier.

The arch was far enough from the waves, but close enough for an aesthetically pleasing picture, Phil hired the best film crew, just so I could send the video to Jeanine. The arch had pink flowers spun through it with matching ones around the chairs. Everything was perfect.

 

* * *

Twenty minutes before I was meant to walk down the aisle, I was puking my life essence up with Cora rubbing my back. She was actually holding the rings because she didn't trust Isaac. With good reason too, he loves shiny things, like keys and credit cards, and he loves to hide them under things.

"It's just nerves, baby, let it up."

"What-what I-if he hates m-me? Wa-wants to-to di-div-divorce me after a year!" I finally managed to get out before retching again.

"What? Is that what this is about? That's the most ridiculous thing I've EVER heard, and you should've seen me when I was told I was pregnant." I choked out a laugh and then choked out another part of my breakfast. I haven't seen Phil since last night, if I had just got to see him I might have felt better about the whole situation.

"Dan, Phil is crazy about you, how can you not see that? No one as _ever_ seen him like this, he's a force of nature around you, he's brighter and sweeter, he looks at you like you're the light of his life, like someone who's freezing to death and just started a fire, like reunited lovers, Dan, you're his _everything,_ he loves you more than words describe."

"Stop, okay? I'm already a vomit mess, I don't need to cry too." Cora laughed and wrapped and arm around me, now we were both facing the toilet. She looked beautiful, her hair was pale blonde know, almost white, I once asked her what her natural color was and she didn't talk to me for a week.

"God, you should've seen him when you went missing, shit, he was a mess, a hot mess. It was obvious then. He didn't do anything but search, and when the trail went cold, he paced for hours." I cringed at the memory, it's almost been a year now. "He was so happy to find you again, he looked fucking _scary_ when we walked up in there. He didn't want me to go but I forced him to bring me, he looked like a cold blooded killer, he was about to kill for you right then, I hope you know that.

"Dan?" Clementine and Angela appeared around the corner, hands intertwined, they never officially came out, but they acted like a couple now, Phil looked happy for them, for Angela. I couldn't believe I was jealous of her at first. "it's time."

The pit in my stomach was replaced by a blooming in my chest, it was my wedding day, dammit, I've earned this. 

* * *

 

May and Cora walked in front of me and Angela and Clementine walked behind me, Phil looked like a god, standing under the beautiful arch, that was almost too short for us.

Ruth was sitting in the front row, crying into her pamphlet, a giant sunhat on her head, I saw Ed behind her, annoyed because it was in his way.

Edwardo was standing about ten feet from the arch, even he looked emotional.

Phil's hair blew slightly in the warm summer breeze, he wore a suit, naturally, but wore a bowtie instead of a regular tie, which was a nice surprise, the bowtie was a pretty yellow color, which you would not expect from someone so dark. He had a giant grin on his face, probably mirroring mine, and I wasn't in control anymore. I had flown out of my body. I was taking perfectly timed steps so that I wouldn't run into May and Cora without even trying, I was just looking at him, lost in his eyes deeper than the ocean in front of me. I felt like the luckiest man on the planet, in that moment I had everything.

 

"We are gathered here today to unite this man and this man in marriage." Adam was marrying us, we got his certification back in February just for us. He was smiling big too, everyone was smiling. I looked over, Cora was holding Isaac with tears in her eyes. Angela and Clementine linked hands and Angela was almost sobbing, they had been best friends for a long time. I knew Angela's mom was there too. Angela once mentioned her and her mom don't really get along, as she wanted Angela to be straight, preferably with Phil, but obviously that didn't work out.

Before I could even register what I was saying, our vows were said and we were married, all that was left was to-

"Watch out!"

"Get down!" Suddenly, Edwardo jumped in front of us, hitting the sand instantly, a small trickle of blood staining his white suit. Then May was there, and four other body guards, and guns were going off.

"Ruth! Get Ruth out of here, May!" I yelled at her, and I was in my body again and Ruth was crouched on the ground, not hurt just hiding, and people in masks were advancing. May nodded at me, she pulled a gun out from under her dress, she was skinny but she blocked Ruth as they ran, shooting at the men, one went down, there were kids here.

Adam and his girls were gone, thank god, and Cora and Isaac were making a break for the hotel, with no cover, and suddenly Phil had my hand and we were running full speed. Angela and Clementine were right on our heels, several guards surrounding us, they all had bullet proof vests under their clothes, and I could tell one was shot in his arm, but he kept running anyway.

There was blood everywhere, a baby was crying, and there was a hundred feet of beach around us...except...

The pier.

The pier was about fifteen feet away, and I was already coughing my lungs up, cops were sure to be showing up soon from the gunshots, but we couldn't deal with cops.

I didn't look back, I knew damn well half of the guests were dead, there was too much blood, too many bullets...Edwardo...Did Cora make it? Did little Isaac, god, he's just a baby, a baby...

As we reached the beginning of the pier I heard the low rumble of engines, and looked back for the first time. Four dirt bikes with shooters, and then a guard in the back went down. Another quickly took their place, shooting back at them. Phil was slowing down and so was I. There was a helicopter at the end of the pier, and I highly doubted we'd make it.

A guard to my right shouted something into his walkie-talkie, and then he went down.

They were right there, and I couldn't breath. The helicopter came to life, fifteen feet away.

I was about to crumple, I've never ran so much in my life.

"I love you." It was breathless and barely a whisper, but I repeated it, wheezing all the way through.

A guard pushed us into the helicopter, and then he went down. Our last guard jumped into the helicopter with us, and the pilot took off instantly, I watched as one of the guys on the dirt bike drove right off the pier trying to get to us, idiot.

 

"Airport, sir?"

"Airport." Phil breathed, I caught my breath, he wiped my cheeks, I guess there were tears on them.

"Hey, we got married."

"Yeah, we did."

"One thing left."

We kissed to the sound of gunfire, husband and husband.


	25. Hometown

We rushed from the helicopter to a private jet quickly, it reminded me a lot of an action movie, and I wondered at which part would the jet blow up. Over the ocean? Over the city? Or what is happening inside blow up instead?

Honeymoon or getaway, I was excited to go back to London. Excited, but terrified. There hasn't been any word on Cora and Isaac, Ruth is fine and someone escorted her home, but Isaac? Adam and his girls? Who's baby was crying? Who's blood was that?

Phil's face was bright whenever we made eye contact, but grim as soon as he looked away. He knows I'm not stupid, he knows.

Clementine and Angela passed out as soon as they got onto the jet, laying on top of each other. The weight of everything we're doing doesn't keep me up anymore, but it does set in occasionally. I remember that the four of us, on this jet and running from murderers, are still in our twenties, we're still young, still kids. Clementine is much younger than I, and I'm still a kid, as Phil says.

Phil's nervous habit is grabbing my hand, and he laced his fingers through mine when he took the call.

Phil nodded and responded shortly with everyone, Angela had woken up and was paying attention to everything he did, so he made his emotions fade from his face.

"Okay," Phil started, hanging up the phone, "Adam and his girls are fine, May is too. May and about two dozen guards are flying over first thing to London-" He paused, noticing the disappointment on my face.

"No, don't worry. We're spending a few days in London, and then it's just you and I to Jamaica, no guards." I smiled slightly at him, it's a lot, I knew that getting in. But now it's a lot for the rest of my life.

"Okay, don't panic, but there's no word from Cora or Isaac." My body felt hot, my mouth went dry, they took them, I know they did. Goddammit! Isaac's a baby, and he doesn't deserve what the Cassidy's...put people through. He won't last. I'm a grown man and I didn't last.

"They're not dead, cameras show them running into the hotel and leaving with two bags shortly after in a taxi, there's no evidence that they've been taken."

"Why did they just leave?" I asked, concern clouding my brain more.

"My guess? Cora's trying to protect her son, and honestly, how well could she have done that in this business?" Phil's tone was empty and dejected, he released my palm, attempting to be discreet. Cora wouldn't just leave...and Phil turned out alright, proof that a child can be raised in this environment.

"Phil..." Angela started, trailing off. She looked old, so old, this has aged her in ways I cannot fathom. There's no coming back from this, absolutely no coming back. A major leader in a powerful drug ring? Nothing can save you from that.

 

* * *

 

 

As we landed in my hometown, Phil informed me of the ten deaths of our friends, and then sixteen injuries contracted. Among the dead lay Edwardo, who I just found out, was going to be a father.

Another was Maggie, she was the last guard to go down as we ran towards the helicopter, she's a hero, I couldn't imagine how Liam was taking it.

 

London was the same, warm now, but busy and loud, tragedy didn't stop the cars honking and people shouting. It rarely does.

"Phil, can we see my parents while we're here?" I whispered to him as we carefully walked into the hotel, one guard left. Phil looked confused at first, and I felt like an idiot for not saying their grave.

"Oh, okay." It clicked and he looked sad again, "tomorrow night? I have a lot to see through and I don't know how long it will take."

 

And he did, he spent most of the night and well into the morning making calls to the families of the deceased, he got chewed out more than once, and sometimes it resulted in tears. He managed to keep is cool throughout it all, I married the strongest man in the world, that's for certain.

 

I eventually pulled Phil into bed, telling him to do it in the morning, but his sleep was restless, he mumbled apologizes throughout the whole night, his body shook in tears. I could tell he was lost, he had no idea what to do, no idea what he'd go back to. It's our wedding night and my husband is crying and our friends are dead and missing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is to be two more chapters after this.


	26. Romeo & Romeo

The other guards arrived early into the morning, and I was beyond worried about how much sleep they received.

May led the back, decked out in black, a natural glare on her usually warm exterior, she wasn't taking the attacks well, and the guards lost five of there own that day. They're all mourning.

"We won't be in London long, another day at the most. I just have some brief business to attend to and then you can all go home. All guards that haven't been posted will be off for two weeks, and Angela is temporarily in charge." Phil looked over at me, something on his face changed, but it wasn't positive.

"Angela will give a brief presentation, excuse us." Phil led me from the room and I looked back at Angela, who looked pained, she had a packet on her lap, stamped with TOP SECRET.

"Phil, Phil what's that about?"

"Nothing."

"Phil, what are you keeping from me?" I grabbed his arm to stop him, he had dark circles and his eyes were still red. It's fair to guess he had no more tears to shred.

"It's nothing, don't worry. Now, come on, the faster we get this done the faster we're on the plane to the beach." He tried to change his voice over to sweet, but I wasn't having it.

"What is the presentation? Why is it top secret?" I could kind of hear Angela's voice swimming through the hallway, but I couldn't make it out.

"it's nothing you don't already know, baby."

"Then tell me what it is!" I demanded, smacking his outstretched hand away from my shoulder. It's a stressful time for all of us, I get that, but we aren't to be keeping secrets from each other.

"I don't have time for this." Phil mumbled, glancing at his watch. He was wearing his suit from before, as was I, we just got clothes in and haven't had a chance to change. "I'm getting this done, help or don't." Phil stormed towards the elevator, angrily pushing the up button. I watched his pinched face as the doors closed.

I glanced back at the door, it wouldn't be able to eavesdrop anything, so I strolled off towards the front doors, deciding to go see my parents now.

 

* * *

 

They had a joint grave, the dates were so close, anyone could tell that dad died because mom died. Their love story was a tragedy. Romeo and Juliet, to an extant. I never liked that story myself.

The headstone has moss growing at the bottom, it hadn't been taken care of, because who's around to take care of it? "Howell" was scrawled across the top, followed by my parent's names.

"Hey guys." I greeted awkwardly, sitting on the damp grass. It was hot, hotter than usual. I cursed myself for not changing before I left. "A lots happened since we last spoke, a decade ago." I swallowed the lump in my throat, It's been too long, there's no need for tears.

"So, um, I got married." I smiled, presenting my ring to the headstone. God, I wished for them to be alive so many times, so many times when I didn't need them to be. Now I need them to be, I need them to be here so bad.

A warm breeze blew, blowing my hair slightly. I knew I looked like dad when he was young, scarily like him. He never got to see me grow up, mom didn't get to cry at my graduation. They didn't get to see either of their children get married.

"He's wonderful, guys, truly. You would've loved him. Jeanine loves him, I saw her over Christmas. She's well, I don't know if you've gotten to see her." It became easier as I went on. I don't believe in anything, I knew they weren't looking down on me from heaven. But for once in my life, the doubt was a comfort.

"His name's Phil, Lester. Now my name's Lester too, sorry dad, I know you wanted the name carried on. It's just better this way, I'm happier this way." The hairs on my neck stood up, but I didn't pay attention to it.

"I'm sorry he couldn't be here, you would've thought he is so charming. He is too, everyone loves him. He's just lovely. But _I_ charmed _him_ I'll have you know." I laughed for a minute, happiness filled my chest.

"Oh did you now?" I shot up, spinning around, to see a gun inches from my nose. How many times in one year do guns have to be pointed at me, they're such unnecessary options.

"Dan Howell, well, I guess Dan Lester now. I didn't know what you'd look like, I'm glad I followed you." British, surprising, not the Cassidy's. "The Lester's, back in my territory. Good thing we've been keeping track of you, Lester. Now, tell me, do you think you could charm Phil again? Hmm? Richie! Take a photo of Dan with 'ol Sunny next to his temple."

I assume is gun was "'ol sunny." A man with a BROWN sack came over to us, snapping a photo of me with the pistol at my temple. Tedious, the whole endeavor. The job makes you numb.

Sack to the head, gun to the temple, darkness to my eyes.

 

* * *

I woke up to the smell of seawater and a guy pacing, to my surprise, I wasn't tied up, and the sack wasn't on my head.

"Oh, lookie, he's awake, wonderful, Phil should be here shortly. Now tell me, Mr. Lester, has Mr. Lester made enemies in America?" He sneered when he called me Mr. Lester, despite the situation, I still had butterflies in my stomach everytime he did.

I stood up swiftly, glaring down at the man.

"Fuck you." He laughed and walked away. He wasn't really dressed like the others do. He was wearing blue jeans and an old navy hoodie. Phil and Mr. Cassidy both wear suits. I guess I just figured it was a thing.

"Okay, Daniel, well, I guess I can't keep you here, you may walk out." I glanced around, we were by the sea, a shipping area? Something of the sorts. I hesitated for this exact reason: he wouldn't just let me go.

"Well, maybe I can." He snapped his fingers, and three red dots appeared on my chest, snipers.

"I've got snipers all over the area, you wouldn't make it a foot."

God, Phil's going to walk right into this. Why was I such an idiot? I fought with him, I left the hotel on my own, it's my fault. He's going to get hurt, because I finally released who these people were.

On the truck at the far end of the lot.

Smith's Trucking.

* * *

The temperature went down significantly, and it was only about a half an hour when Phil showed up, always making an entrance. He'll be dramatically escorted into his own funeral.

 

Phil strode in, freshly pressed suit, a natural air of superiority.  

"Lester! All grown up with a Mrs. Lester!" I got up and started walking towards Phil, he stopped me.

"Not so fast, Lester. You're a chip, and Mr. Lester and I are here to play."

"Mr. Smith. You've grown up a lot too, I see you've given up dying your hair. How's your son?"

"Dead, thank you. My daughter is being groomed to take over." Phil didn't show any emotions, and maybe it's because there were three steady lights aimed at my heart.

"The toddler?"

"High schooler now, tenth grade."

"It seems like yesterday Daisy was just born." Phil saying her name changed something behind Smith's eyes. Phil's pulling all the right strings. God, I can't wait for that honeymoon.

"Yes it does. How's America?"

"Free."

"So I hear." Smith's lip curled, they're playing with each other, like cats with leaves.

"I also hear you're the king of New York, never heard that about your father."

"We all do our best in the end."

"So we do." The only thing that seemed to effect Phil was the guns aimed at me, there wasn't a hint of recognition in mentioning his father.

"I suppose you want your husband back."

"I suppose you have a reason for holding him." Phil shifted slightly towards me. He wasn't alone, May was at his side closest to me, and he had an army behind him, but Smith seemed to as well, and everyone was silent.

"I do."

"Keep your answers short and sweet?"

"Mmm, I want your game."

"What?"

"Your practice, I've been wanting to go international for a while, and America seems like the "promised land." He replied with air quotes.

"There's major cities all over America. Go to LA, its a community of small dealers there."

"No no no, LA is no good. New York is where dreams come true. I'm too old for a dream for me, but I do have a dream for my daughter."

"Naturally."

"I want you to leave New York, and to give me your product." Phil snorted,

"You can't be serious. You pushed us out of England back then, and now you're going to push us out of New York? You're out of your mind."

"So are you, Mr. Lester, so is this one." He gestured to me, I cringed, I could be shot with a wave of his hand. But the lights had been turned off a bit ago, but the snipers were still trained on me. "I grabbed him talking to a headstone. Crazy, crazy for you for sure, you should've heard what he was saying." Phil shrugged,

"I'm not giving you New York, and I'm not giving you my coke."

"Then your husband eats it. What a short marriage." Phil shrugged again, I felt sick,

"He's not worth a million dollar company that I built. Kill him if you like." I was about to vomit, May looked shocked, but so did Smith. Do I really mean that little to him.

Smith waved his hand and the lights were on my chest and head this time, our family is truly bound by tragedy.

"I'll give you one last chance, Mr. Lester." Phil shrugged,

"Phil!" I shrieked, tears in my eyes, he looked indifferent, heartless, not anything like my husband.

Smith waved his hand again, I heard the guns going off, I saw Phil's eyes widen, and, and...I didn't feel anything.

"How did you call my bluff?" What? No pain, no blood, no holes, May grabbed me and pulled me over to Phil, who grabbed me and held me close to his chest. I refrained from hitting him, for leading me on like that. I just needed him right now.

"We canvassed the place first, I don't make the same mistakes my father did, that I did." Phil didn't let me go, and I didn't want him to, we were swaying slightly, our hair blowing in the wind. I'm sure the whole scene looked like the poster for an action movie.

"I made it clear when I ran your family out of town, that I don't want any of you in England, ever again, do you hear me?" But Phil didn't hear him, because May had been angry, so angry, I had watched her as Phil held me. Her face was pinched and she was breathing heavy, clenching and unclenching her fists around the gun.

Her gun went off, the bullets hitting the pavement.

Then it was a sea of gunfire. Bullets were being shot from both ends before Phil AND Smith could register what was happening. People were dropping heavily on both sides.

The sun was setting on the scene, on our lives, it's been to much mayhem in twenty-four hours.

Phil and I crouched by some barrels, not letting go of each other.

"Smith!"

"He's dead!"

Phil held his breath, because in that moment I knew what was happening, I calculated every possible outcome and choice we had in that second, I saw the conclusion of our story.

"Dan, listen, it's all going to be okay!" Phil had to shout over the gunfire and people screaming.

"Mr. Lester!"

"Dan!"

"May!"

May was laying a few feet away, dark brown eyes open and empty.

"Hey, hey look at me, okay? I love you." He pulled my head so I was looking into his eyes and he held it there. "Remember our first dinner? Remember what I said?"

"You-you don't have to-to suffer any-anymore." I sniffled, I couldn't live without him.

"Remember our first night, how we took it slow, and how Clementine's bird's singing greeted us when we woke up?" I nodded fiercely at him, someone was trying to pull us up, probably to get us out of here, but I was lost in his eyes. They told so many stories. Centuries of wisdom swirled in the deep blew ocean.

"Remember when I first met Ruth and how nervous I was?"

"Yes, I remember."

"Remember all of these things Dan, hold onto these memories, alright, don't forget them, don't forget me, don't crumple, don't break, remember me, okay?"

"Phil-"

"Okay?" He was crying now, shaking as he held me close.

"Okay."

"I love you, I love you I love you-" He chanted into my shoulder. I held on, I held on tight, "I love-" I held on when he went limp, when the tides in his eyes stopped turning.

His blood was splattered across my face, and it was all my fault. I laid over him, the guard was still trying to pull me up, but I was laying with Phil, sobbing into his chest.

"I remember, Phil, I remember."

"Dan!"

"Mr. Lester!"

"I remember, I remember, I remember." I chanted silently in my head, while I listened to people die.

"Mr. Lester! He's-"

"Dan!"

"Dan, come on!"

"Dan! We have to go!"

"Dan-"

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't edit this.


	27. The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an epilogue type thing. If you're invested in the other characters than I recommend this chapter.  
> I'm going to take a short break, but I'll be back in the new year writing my next fic.  
> If anyone wants to ask me questions or comment on these chapters, I urge you to do so, I love your feedback. Enjoy.

It was burning hot, hotter than the fire that lapped up the walls of the Kitchen. Angela and Clementine stood across and watched it burn, both smelling like gas. Sirens were on their way, but the evidence had long been gutted, there's nothing left, no ties but a pile of ash.

In case of emergency, that's what the packet read, but what about in case of tragedy? Where's that packet?

Phil didn't see his death as a tragedy, he saw it as a temporary emergency, he made all the necessary arrangements so that nobody would be charged, because Phil Lester sold hard drugs, but he was the most thoughtful person on this Earth.

Angela and Clementine didn't know what they'd do next. They went back to Angela's apartment and washed their dirty clothes, too numb to put on fresh ones. They laid in bed and took turns sobbing. They both lost a best friend.

Angela was to take over the company, but she couldn't, she _wouldn't._ It's Phil's, no one else's.

 

* * *

 

When the police in London arrived on the seen, they were horrified with the massacre, they had never seen anything like it, almost a hundred people were killed, several more were severally injured, but everyone that lived to tell the tale had jobs, and they were on their way back to America.

Two major drug rings lost their leaders that night, the world was holding it's breath waiting to see what would happen, but there was days of mourning, no more massacres.

The cops had tears in their eyes as they found the last of the bodies. Two young boys, both shot in the head, were laying in each other's arms, one young detective sobbed for them, before he knew who they all were.

 

 

Quickly, they were identified, and everyone did everything they could to charge them, but they had no evidence against Phil's people, Smith's weren't so lucky, half of the ring was arrested. Not including Daisy, who stepped up the plate with a hard expression and vengeance on her mind as she took her father's spot and the investigation ended.

None of Phil's workers could be tied to the ring, there was absolutely no evidence, it was all speculation, and they were all reluctantly let go shortly after.

 

 

 

 

* * *

Phil made sure he was the only one who could be charged, so he was the only one who was.

Ruth didn't care.

Ruth yelled, Ruth _screamed_ at the police, because she didn't care if Dan and Phil were murderers or drug dealers, she just wanted her babies back. Because she felt like she had also adopted Phil, and Phil didn't have anyone else to fight for him.

"I want Phil's body too! They were married they deserve to be buried together!"

"Ma'am-"

"DON'T YOU MA'AM BE, YOU CHILD. DAN WAS MINE, AND PHIL DIDN'T HAVE ANYONE ELSE, DO YOU HEAR ME?"

He heard her, and he released both bodies to her, no one argues with Ruth.

 

Dan was frustrated with Ruth, as soon as he started making money he tried to help Ruth, but Ruth wouldn't take a penny.

"I make my own money, Danny, I don't need yours."

But Phil started giving money to her, without telling Dan, because Dan would be upset that she wouldn't take his money. Ruth wasn't happy with it, but when the engagement was announced she stopped fighting it.

 

Ruth bought the best headstone she could, a shared one in the shape of a heart, completely black, because she knew Dan would love it.

She had Daniel Lester on it instead of Daniel Howell, and she was sure to include how long they had been married, so people someday would read it and mourn the loss of these young lovers.

 

The funeral was small, consisting of Adam, who had gone to his wife's funeral the day before, Clementine and Angela, and some other close employees. Liam hadn't left his apartment since word of Maggie's death reached him. No one was checking on him though, all he had was Maggie.

Ruth gave a semi-angry speech about how unfair it all was, and how they deserved better, and how they loved each other more than they loved everything in the entire world.

Angela was the last to give a speech, hers was moving.

"Death does not end love, I believe with all my heart that nothing could tear apart a bond that strong. No matter what media says or police say, Dan and Phil were two of the best people I have ever met, I wouldn't change a damn thing, Phil gave me everything, and Dan gave Phil everything. I owe them both so much."

 

* * *

As soon as the guns at the wedding were drawn, Cora decided it was time. The fact that she made it back to the hotel with her and Isaac alive meant they were meant to survive, she believed that wholeheartedly.

She ran, she didn't stop running. She had the money and the means. She flew back once for questioning, but they had nothing.

She let her hair go back to her natural color and bought a small beach house in Hawaii, Isaac had friends and she became a secretary had a car insurance company, it wasn't ideal but it was safe. Isaac was safe, that's all that mattered for her.

She mourned, Dan mostly. Dan was her best friend, she never had someone like him. Her colleague suggested she try therapy, she didn't know why Cora was sad, she just wanted her happy. Cora left her entire past behind her, no ties, no charges, she didn't want to think about that city ever again, she was happy with her small village in Hawaii. The therapist put Cora on antidepressants and that was that.

Cora got her new life.

 

* * *

 

Adam wasn't too lucky, he had no where to run. His daughters didn't understand why their mommy didn't come home, May's name was drug through the mud, Adam nearly got arrested because she was obviously involved in the ring, but Adam got a good lawyer and pleaded Adam had no knowledge of his wife's job and he wasn't charged.

Adam got an apartment in Brooklyn and his mom moved in with him to help with the girls, because all he could do is drink and stare. May was his everything, Dan was his friend, but he kind of resented him in the end. May was trying to get Dan out of there, but apparently Dan wouldn't leave Phil, and that caused May to have her guard down, and now she was in the ground.

After being with thoughts, he came to the conclusion that Dan wasn't his friend anymore, he was May's killer, and he started to hate Dan and Phil both. And his family started to hate him. Adam became the monster everyone expected him to be.

* * *

 

After Jeanine found out about Dan and Phil, she was officially discharged from the military, and ready to move on. She didn't realize Dan was in the middle of a war as well.

She couldn't believe Dan, was he that desperate? Did he need money that badly? Phil seemed like such a good man, not a killer. Because that's what dealers are, they're murderers, she wondered how many people died because of him, because of the both of them. The thought made her puke.

She got a small apartment in London and started taking college courses, she wouldn't go to the funeral. She couldn't, maybe someday, but she's not ready to forgive her little brother. Not ready to forgive him for dealing, and not ready to forgive him for dying.

* * *

 

 

As if it was magic, everyone seemed to pick up the same book at once.

They finished the publishing on the day Dan died, Ruth made sure to change all future copies of the book so they would say "Dan Lester" instead.

"The Way to My Heart is a Needle and a Transaction" by Dan Lester.

Clementine was laying across a porch swing, her were on Angela's lap, she was nine months pregnant as she began to read. A story about a boy named Jack falling in love with a boy named Oliver, Jack has a lot of issues and they merge with Oliver's. It's Dan and Phil's entire story, just lacking their real names.

"Jack was born with a  problematic future on the horizon..."

 

The book became a bestseller, Dan and Phil's story, completely, everyone loved the story of the illegal lovers, the new Romeo and Juliet, Dan and Phil's story was told across the world in dozens of different languages, but all the tears spoke the same one, a story of sadness, because everyone already knew the end without getting there, and that made it even more painful.

 

"...you see, Jack's fate was carved into stone with a fine-tipped knife with steady hands..." Cora read to Isaac, even if the reading was too adult for him.

"...he was fated to bring tragedy and heartbreak wherever he went, to whomever he spoke to..." Ruth sobbed.

"...To his lovers..."

"...To his family..."

"...To himself..." Jeanine almost couldn't bring herself to continue.

"...But you see, there was another boy who had the same problem. Fate slapped him on the face before he was born, two quiet tragedies fell in love, and became _loud..."_

"...But when these tragedies looked at each other, the other boy would see hope, see safety, and forget all about their fate, because their love was enough to break any spell..." This was the first time Adam had read to his girls since May died.

"So as you read about the tragic boy with the tragic fate, do not fret..."

"...Because for a brief moment in their lives, all was perfect, all was light and sweet and lovely..."

"These boys get their time."

"But fate doesn't just go away, and their time ends, just like everyone's will."

"Tragedy isn't forever, but fate is. And the boy was fated to be tragic."

"And as it is told, it should be as so."

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because the entire story was from Dan's POV until now, I had a bit of a hard time figuring out how to end him. A lot of times writers say that everything just goes black when they kill the main character, but I didn't want to do that. I feel like they'd be dead and they couldn't convey that everything went black. So I just Dan's thoughts off, because I think that's how it is when you die. The chapter ended because Dan died, I just wanted you all to understand that. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read this, your wonderful words are what kept me going. Every one of your comments made me smile, sometimes I forget to do that, so truly, thank you all. Never stop being kind, you have no idea how much something so small could make someone so happy.


End file.
